butterfly__________

Tuesday, October 18, 2005
9:36 AM

I have just hit rock-bottom. There is no constant in my life save changes. I want to cry. I want tears of frustrations to explode out of me. I want this pent-up angst to evaporate. I am disappointed I guess. Having benefited from counselling sessions, I have also realised that the one thing a counsellor can't really do is to counsel oneself.

I really dunneed sympathy. I appreciate your concern but i dun want tt look. please...i want empathy not sympathy. I get more upset w the thot tt ppl out there r pitying me. neither do i want u to not show any concern for me. That's high expectations- sth not very achievable. i seriously dun blif tt anyone produced outta tis spore education system r totally immune to the results system. i jus dunt.

yes. im a very prideful person. i noe tt. n yet i have lost major confidence in myself n i myself is slowly eroding away. at the end of the day. ten yrs down e road, i prob wunt remb wad i got for my promos, its not e RESULTS per se, its the feeling invoked outta e pathetic results tt bother me. I am not a person who dun do well. it jus doesnt work tt way.

yes. i have no doubt in my own abilities, i have much to achieve but with not much heart to do so.i am jus so frustrated tt im not a genius. but even so, geniuses oso have to study.

went for reporter inteview today. i dunno wad to feel. i dun dare to expect. im not expecting. im a talker. a thinker. not much of a doer. wich explains my horrendous maths results. i shall cease to comment. it realli irks me jus at e mention of it. yes. i do feel for wadeva i do. they r afterall e fruit of labor. not jus mechanical stuff afterall. ah. i wanted to recount today. end up reflecting. mb tts wad i wanna doa ctually- subconsciously.

irritated, minsi

butterfly___________