butterfly__________

Monday, October 31, 2005
10:10 PM

i wonder how is it like to have everything- someone who loves me, a job i like, healthy, and a family who loves me , an ability to overcome all trials...

will i be happy? i think i will.. i was just thinking wad if i never ever fall in love? wad if i neva get my first kiss first everything and i jus die???i will be so upset.

i was jus lookin at some old pics, i was a lot happier that was when everything i had were all i wanted when life was just rather smooth and daily bickering with frens were all i had to worry about.

speaking of which there is one particular pic where by my family looks like the Addams family. and i think my weird family kinda fits e bill too. haha.

and my mom used to think i was quite smart. and she was quite happy having me as a daughter. but nowadays shes filled with complaints bout me. ahz about how lazy uncooperative how stupid i am. ok im not complaining lah. i am all the above in comparison to her.

i sorta dread becoming 18 in jus 3 months time cos it wud me i have to assume more responsibilities. it oso means i will not enjoy puppy love if i dun fall in like during these two yrs b4 i turn 20. im not desperate. jus wistful that i wud not be able to enjoy wad most girls have. eeks.

and i jus want to tell mummy i have tried my best. all my life all ive ever wanted is to make my parents proud.so that they can talk bout their daughter prudly infront of their frens. it doesnt help much tt their daughter is ugly. and it doesnt help even more tt their daughter is not a scholarship holder.

do i not want it? no i not want the glory behind a scholarship? mb i do. but ppl jus dun like me, and i am jus too lazy to work hard once again. i have wasted so so so much time on studies, wasting my teenage life away. now all i want to do is jus be a normal teenager. even if it is at the expense of my grades.

but mummy dun worry since i have jus decided i wanna be a l***** i will work freaking shit hard to make sure i get wad i want, to make u proud. yes. mb u wud disagree with the career choice but it is wad i want/

butterfly___________