butterfly__________

Monday, April 03, 2006
6:51 PM

My uncle died last wednesday night 10.10 pm in the hospital.

That explains why I haven't been blogging for 6 days, haven't been online, haven't been happy for a long long time. Because I was at my uncle's wake collecting donations, or bo2 jin1 in chinese.

If there is anything good at all out of my uncle's death, my uncle died a peaceful death. His blood pressure went very low and his eldest brother, my eldest uncle, held his hand while he drifted off to eternal slumberland. That night, my mom rushed to the hospital and touched her brother for the final time.

Sigh. Isn't it scary? How someone you know your entire life just disappear from your life just like that? We could all die any moment. There are many ways of dying. I am so scared.

The wake was a peaceful one as well. Praise God, my uncle died a Christian. The first time I saw him lying in the coffin, I wanted to cry. He looked like a wax figurine. The mortician painted his lips red and put 3 layers of foundation on his yellowed face ( due to liver disease). His hair was combed in a different way as well. All of us went to see him once, and one of my uncles discovered that he had a mole below his eye. How ironic it is that we never did look at his face properly when he was alive. It is only death that gave us the chance to see him so closely.

My daily routine was to go to the wake, collect money, write down the sums and walk to the coffin area and look at my uncle when I'm free. Even though I know the one lying in the coffin is just a shell and my uncle has left for heavens, I think it still hurts to see a blood-related one separated from you forever.

He was buried yesterday and CCK Christian cemetery. The tears I controlled for many many days finally came yesterday when we were about to say the final goodbye. When we sang Amazing Grace, I started weeping, I felt very very sad all of a sudden that life on earth was so transcient. My baby cousin who is usually very hyper-active (she's 2) actually sat down quietly beside me and hummed to the tunes of AG. I was very comforted.

I sobbed even harder when I saw my grandma and grandpa cry very hard when we paid our last respects.All my uncles and aunties and my mom cried too. Noone wailed. Because we know uncle is in heaven. We know he is in safe hands.

I think the christian cemetery is a good place. There are windmills and carpet grass and toys, looked like a paradise. We threw earth and flowers onto the coffin and waved a final goodbye to the tunes of amazing grace.

I need a closure to this. I need to be reminded that life is eventual. I would not be unhappy always because I do not know how many days I have left on this earth. I might as well enjoy as much as I can.

butterfly___________