taysi

2007-05-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

I am feeling uglier each day.
I guess I am the only fat person who is filled with hope about the future.
Talking about the future does not make me depressed nor hopeless, in fact, it brings me tremendous joy.
Praise God for the light that he shines in my life.
Maybe he will bestow upon me with an Engineer boyfriend.

I only pray hard that he does not have BO or BB, which stands for Body Odour and Bad Breath respectively. Fat and a bit of pimples is fine with me.

Haha. The thought of cute kids addressing me as Aunty Min Si is hilarious.
Maybe they will ask me," Aunty Min Si, why is your buttock so big?"
Then I will diao( stare with disdain) them and say, it's because I have plenty of blessings in my rear area.
"Aunty MinSi, what is rear area?"
To which I will say pi4 gu3, the place where your shit comes out.
Then Aunty Fengyi, Aunty Jiayan will all diao me and say," Cannot say the S*** word in front of the kids."

Fine. Pang Sai it shall be.
According to my p2 kid, Shit should be censored and changed to motion.
Because you pass motion, therefore MOTION=SHIT.

So everytime I curse using the word shit in front of kids, I will censor it and say MOTION.
WALAU EH MOTION LAH! WHAT THE MOTION? THIS STUPID MOTION CANNOT WORK.
=D

I guess when you are 19 and lonely.
You sort of start to imagine what the future holds for you.
You think of boyfriend, husband, proposals, marriage, children, childbirth, old age, money, career and maternity leave.
Then you pause and think for a while more and you realise FREAKING MOTION, you might be a mommy in 10 years' time! Holey moley!

Then you start wondering, why would people want to have kids?
Kids are troublesome, they squeal, scream, shit at all the wrong time!
They use up your freaking savings that you work so hard for.
When they are young, you have to take care of them.
Instead of behaving like crows when they grow up, they shut their doors in your faces, drink booze, rebel and rebutt WHATEVER you say.

Have you ever wondered why in the world would your parents want to have kids and created so much problems and woes for themselves?

Then it says in the bible that God created humans because He loved us so.
I could never really understand this line.
How does it show that God loves us if he created us?
Then pieces of the puzzle came together and you see in this amazing world that God created is actually a true reflection of His love for us.

Our parents joined in holy matrimony, created us not for any mercernary reasons- not because they want us to take care of them when they are old, not because they want any form of payback.
But simply because they want to love us.
They want to love what they created.
No complaints whatsoever, Come What May!
Love is what it is.

=D

And so the next time you see your mom's huge tummy, your dad's weathered face, tell them you love them and you feel blessed to have them as your parents.

No matter how much they kao pei you lah.
haha.

2007-04-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

Haha. I just realised that other people do read my blog. And then I went back to read my recent entries- to my horror, they are all bad. Eeks.

Then I was telling Jia that maybe Alex is xiaoyuan. Since her hotmail is alexboyish something. Or if not, it means he is a boy , my image as a jovial and bubbly person is totally tarnished. That's it, noone will ever fall in love with me.:( Or if seen in optimistic light, like Jia said, maybe Alex is a stalker of mine. Wah. Very happy hor.

So what are you huh? Don't disappoint me lei, haha, just a passerby:( Maybe you are a student who has a crush on me. The bitchy teacher.

And my dear fren fengyi said quite encouragingly," You should have slapped your student." I would have I guessed, if I had lesser control over my emotions.

Well, I am really not so angry anymore.
Now, it's more like disappointment, and ache.
There's this hurting ache , or to quote a passage I just read, it's so painful that I feel "pains in pains".

And so I asked God for help.
I asked dear God, is there some reason you are letting me teach now? Is there some reason why you are opening my eyes to all these? What is my cause for caring about them? My love and concern would in the end remain unrequited.

Is there a reason why I'm feeling a sort of pain, a sort of disappointment I have yet to experience in my life til now? Or is it simply because you want to show me that I can help? And I should help?

Then, to a not very christianly christian like me, I actually felt it. I actually felt it just before I entered the lift. I could never understand how someone, a stranger, a passerby a bypasser, could just put him or herself down and just wholly accept others. To feel hurt or anger simply because this is not what you expect of them, because you feel so much more?

To treat me like this, is not just hurting me.
I can see how you treat your parents.
I can see how great your parents' love for you are.
Despite your flaws, your horribility, your immaturity, they still loved you and they will always love you. Even when they are in hell or heaven, Love never ever stops. Because your origin was them.

Then I finally understood God's love for all of us.
How we are all horrible people, having a 100 sins each and yet when he created us, he inputed the freedom of choice in us and yet still forgave us! tolerated us! Because he loved us.

And my anger shall cease to exist.
Because anger alone can't help me solve problems.
My problems, your problems.
Only my love, as a teacher, from a teacher, can encompass everything, forgive you and still care about you.

Shamelessly, my own words touched myself.

When one of the girls apologised to me, whether sincerely or not, I held her on the arms and I said very sincerely,
" I do not wish to do this. I am not happy doing this. I do not like to see your name on a cruel piece of offence record form. Because that will not make you change. But I will scold you, nag at you, teach you, preach at you, until you learn, be it one day I will still do it."

That was my most sincere sentiments.
She was unmoved lah.

oh crap.

2007-04-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

Working at this new place is sucking all the energy out of me.
Being the person who has an abundance of energy, you can imagine how tired I feel right now.

Drained.

I have never been so angry in my life.
I mean, I was upset at maths, or rather my inability to handle jc maths, but never was I angry at myself, nor at maths.
I am so angry that I had to use anger management skills on myself.

Teaching is a stressful job.
One day if I have kids, and my children are rude to their teachers, they are going to get one tight slap from me and grounded for life.
You should have plenty of respect for your teacher.

Today, I discovered a whole new side of me that I never knew existed.
I knew I had a temper.
I knew I could get angry.
But I never knew that the word Wrath existed in my dictionary.
Isn't Wrath worse than anger or rage?
Yes it is. Andrea, yes it is.
In fact it was so bad I felt smoke coming out of my head.
Thank God for all the support I'm getting.

And so the story goes that ms tehsi went inside the class, expecting the class to take out books to read-quietly. They are 15 years old for goodness's sake.
tehsi asked the class politely to settle down and read, which is what they would do on normal days.
today, everything snapped. In me. In them. or is it friday the 13th?
i would go around the class, and say " please take out your book and read and stop talking."

but you wouldn't listen. you just won't. because you are forever right, and i am forever wrong. im sorry i even said please ok.
i would repeatedly ask everyone in the class to read, politely, gently.

IS THIS HOW YOU ABUSE MY TOLERANCE LEVEL WHICH IS VERY HIGH?
AND SO I SNAPPED.

THE 3 WADAFUCK SHITTERHOLERS STARTED POINTED AT ME AND SAID VERY LOUDLY "CHER YOUR SKIRT CUT OUT FROM CURTAIN IS IT?" I said, no, it does not concern you where I made my skirt at.

" WALAU, HER FASHION SENSE DAMN BAD LEI." The 3 of them started mimicking me as I was folding my arms, in a very cross manner. AND CONTINUED LAUGHING. I told them, " Can you please stop laughing, I do not appreciate this type of rudeness from you. " All 3 were not reading. I approached this girl and asked, " where's your book? didn't I ask you to start reading?" AND SHE HAD THE CHEEK TO STAND UP, NOT FACE ME, TURN AWAY AND WALKED AWAY! AND ROLLED HER FREAKING FUGGLY EYES AT ME BEFORE SHE LEFT.

AND I WAS LIKE," HELLO. WHAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE IS THIS?"

The rest of the class continues to be noisy, ignoring my requests.
Just went the bell rang, it was show time for me.
I am usually a very jovial person, but things can get really ugly when jovial people become angry, when jovial people are no longer happy but extremely extremely angry.

tehsi ROARED:" WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? ARE YOU BLIND? ARE YOU DEAF? DID I NOT ASK YOU TO TAKE OUT BOOKS AND READ? ARE YOU DEFYING MY ORDERS? DID I NOT ASK YOU REPEATEDLY TO TAKE OUT YOUR BOOKS? DOES IT MEAN I AM NOT AN ACTUAL TEACHER AND MY POWERS ARE UNDERMINED? I TELL YOU YOU DO NOT ABUSE MY NICENESS, YOU DO NOT SHOW DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME, NOR DO YOU DEFY MY REQUESTS. NOW I WOULD LIKE YOU TO READ QUIETLY FOR 5 MINS BEFORE I LET YOU OFF FOR RECESS."

what tehsi would have like to ROAR:" WHAT TYPE OF FUCKERS YOU ARE? DID YOU COME OUT OF SHIT HOLES? AM I HERE TO BE TORTURED BY YOU? WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU COME TO SCHOOL FOR? TO WASTE YOUR FUCKING TIME? I'M TELLING YOU MY TIME IS PRECIOUS, IF NOT FOR THE FACT THAT IT PAINS ME TO SEE THE FUTURE OF SINGAPORE DEGENERATING IN YOUR FUCKING FILTHY HANDS AND DISRESPECTFUL MINDS, I WOULD NOT HAVE BOTHERED. WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE LIKED ME TO DO IS TO SIT DOWN AND NOT CARE ABOUT IT RIGHT? FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND SCREW YOU."

There, you have it.
woosh, anger dispelled.
And so, majority of the class manage to see sense, but some obviously couldn't.
I said, noone is allowed to leave the class until I allow you to, one by one.

THE STUPID IDIOT SON OF A BITCH DAMN SHIT DIRTY HOLE HAD THE CHEEK TO TAUNT ME AND SAY " I'M LEAVING, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU."

Calmly and with an air of slicing coldness, I said," You leave. You just leave. You jus make one step out of the room and you will not ever come into my class again. Because the next time I see you, it will be in another room, the discipline master's room. And I repeat again, if you dare leave the class, that is it. Leave, leave!"

And so the 3 horrible idiotic kids left the class, I was fuming inside, and I said, since you have the guts to do it, you will have to bear the consequences for it. And so I meted out the consequences.

Which, according to sy, was one of the scariest sight she's ever seen before when I reenacted the scene to my friends.

I went to the dm and told him everything, thank goodness he supported my decision.
Some kids deserve to have a chance, some just done.
FOr this girl she definitely did not.
The one who rolled her eyes at me, at that moment, I just wanted to gorge her eyes out, put chilli oil on it, then fill it in her eye sockets, rip it out again and cook it in fish head curry.

And later in the confrontation stage, she had the cheek to look righteous!
Shake her legs and I WAS LIKE" LOOK AT YOU, WHAT TYPE OF BODY LANGAUGE ARE YOU CONVEYING TO ME? YOU ARE TELLING ME YOU DO NOT CARE AT ALL."
SHE SAID TO THE DM," THIS TEACHER IS PICKING ON ME."
AND THE DM SAID, " THERE IS NO REASON TO, SHE DOES NOT KNOW YOU."
AND IN FORNT OF THE DM, SHE STILL ROLLED HER EYES AT ME.

I WAS LIKE WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL REARED THIS TYPE OF HORRIBLE CHILD. IS THAT THE WAY YOU BEHAVE IF YOU ARE APOLOGETIC?

I asked, are you apologetic for humiliating me?
" why did you laugh?do you think it's correct for you to be so juvenile?"

AND SHE HAD THE CHEEK TO SAY " BUT IM 15 WHAT"

even if you are 2, it does not give you the right to be rude ok,
grow up. please, i beg you, just grow up.

2007-04-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

Damn freaking fuggy old hag bitch.
Stupid old woman who is menopausing.
Senseless math and science freaks who think that you have the right to bully youngsters.
Fuck lah.
If I were your age and in your position, I definitely wouldn't do that.
So screw you.

and if not for the fact that i value you and treasure you so much.
i wouldn't have made that comment la.
sian.

2007-04-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

WAH. I'm blogging lei. Haha. It feels weird to start blogging after such a long long while. I feel dislocated.

I'm currently at Dra's house, playing mahjong and having a lot of fun!
Woohoo. While I am losing contact with my jc friends, with the exception of weiqi , fengyi, laytin, jiatian and jiayan, I am catching up on lost time with my secondary school friends. Woohoo.

Work:

I changed schools! I switched from Andy to CK , from Chinese teacher to English teacher. What a major change! Whenever I stand in front of the class, I still have the tendency to speak in Mandarin and had to try very hard to speak in English.* Because I still think that I am a Chinese teacher. But thank God, I'm definitely more at ease and fluent now, I mean teaching in English, not speak in English. It is so different. I have to speak accurately, for instance, we tend to slip into Singlish sub consciously and my students will correct me.

This is what happened during my first lesson:

You can do this worksheet yourself then I will collect it when you finish. XXXXXXXXXX

Correction: Please do this worksheet BY yourself and I will collect it when you have FINISHED. VVVVVVVVV

I have always thought I am very bilingual.
I think I am,still. However, I have to take note of accuracy and precision of my speaking when teaching.

:D

I like driving. It gets kind of stressful.

oh drats. I don't want to blog. I shall change my add soon.

2007-03-22T23:11:00.000+08:00

i wanna blog but im too lazy.

i shall blog about driving when i feel like it.

blogger irks me

2007-03-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

if there is anything I dont like it is people doubting my intelligencei am insane about that if there is a way to get on my nerves it is to call me stupid over the years I have mastered the skill of convincing myself that i am stupid despite that i do not wished to be known to everyone as the stupid fat bitch it hurts ok to know that you are not as smart as a lot of people though you can be quite smart at times a lot of self belief is needed in a person like me the need to believe that i am bright the need to believe that i am pretty the need to believe that something divine has control of my life so that it wouldnt spin out of control and if you are still reading this paragraph oh boy you really are interested in what i write and what i am writing because writing without punctuations can be really tough and reading it is even tougher and this issue is not targeted at anyone and i truly mean it i just feel that when we are talking to people we have to be aware and conscious not to hurt anyone's ego or pride because that is what many people value including yours truly i feel that even if you want to doubt someone and shoot someone with your words please do consider that he or she might be so full of herself and confident of her ability meaning that she tells you her fantastic grades over and over again and tells you of her aspirations and tells you what she likes an yet you still DOUBT her and wham bam and that is how you hurt her and no i continue to insist that this is not shooting at anyone but almost everyone always commits the same mistake and do not doubt my ability nor criticise me nor judge me and never ever DOUBT me because DOUBTING is the most horrible thing you can do to a person because you never gave him or her a chance to prove herself in the first place so yeah it hurts more than any criticism or judgement because she was already condemned before she even began and being condemned for something that people have done and already done and can do how can a person doubt me a person who truly believes in her own self worth and is confident the least you can do is to encourage and continue to boost her ego not deflate it when she hasnt even got her balloon of ego yet and so it really does hurt but never mind that i will get over it because the only thing ive never gotten over is my inability to lose weight and ive been so caught up in it because i feel that it is my own failure and ive never requested god's help in this matter and so that remains as my fault and screw you you stupid bitch who over exercised in that long sleeves shirt plus short sleeves shirt pig woman how dare you doubt me when i tell you what i got and how dare you postponed wanting me and now i am going to reject you only because me and me and me can do that and if you are still reading this entry mine oh mine you really have got time because dear taysi today is in a freaking pissed off mood and i really must thank god for making the way i am if not i would have suffered under the claws of many people because oh yea i am not pretty oh yea i have recognised yet and oh yea i am fat and oh yea call me ah bui and ah pui and shit fatty and fat bitch or whatever but you can never ever doubt my personality because i am the most loyal friend i know because i might be ngiao in terms of money but i am never ngiao with my advice or praises or friendship or support and how can you doubt me when i so generously gave you my love and friendship without the blink of an eye and i asked you to listen when the best is up for grabs and i made you happy and lent you a shoulder when you are sad i am a FRIEND ok and this is not shooting at anyone once again and sometimes i really do hope that i can contract diseases such as bullimia or anorexia i tink u must be thinking my brain i wired but i can tell you that the only type of people who have 0 percent of contracting these two diseases are gluttons who more than often happen to be fat people and yes this issue is about obesity and your friend me has been plagued with it since birth and if you are still reading there is really no coherence in this entire entry night there are no punctuations because i cant write and this is really not going to offend anyone because the only person i am pissed off at is myself because i am not good enough

2007-03-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

I have been eating "combat ration " for the past few days.
It has been a soulless torture eating this so called diet gunk.

Don't get me wrong. It is not the combat ration that army boys eat per se.
But combat ration to combat FATS.
Hai.

Leong Left work today. :(
There goes my lunching partner.
My brunch partner.
My recess partner.
My breakfast partner.
My only partner for the past 2 months.
I am going to miss her.

Last night, I wore a skirt.
And kept my legs very tightly closed because later exposed.
Sat on a little stool.
Then my baby cousin looked up and down at my legs.
Curiously.
Wondrously.
Thinking....

My own cat ran out of the bag , and thought, " Is she looking for something? Oh gosh. Is it ...."
And so I proved to be a smart person.

" Jie jie, where is your bai bai ( dialect for vagina)? I cannot see. I cannot find."

-_-"

She is four.
And so I was very paiseh and laughed heartily.
And told her" shh...cannot see people's bai bai"

Then I conveyed the entire encounter to my dad and mom and aunt.
Who all laughed in an amused manner.

Causing my barely 3 but considered 4 cousin much misery and paisehness.

Later in the car, I was talking to my mom again about my cousin's innocence.
Then the cousin, who was in her rare channel 8 mode, said annoyingly,
" jie jie, cannot say again!!!!"

Haha.
I think it's because she just started wearing panties.
Hehe.

2007-03-01T12:58:00.000+08:00

I am one day away from getting my results.
Hai.

My kids just asked me when they will get back their results.
I told them tentatively on Monday.
Then asked quizzically " How come it's tentative?"

Then I said in a heavy and sombre tone," I might not be here."
Where will you be???????? The kids wondered, tears shining in their eyes.
Dead.
Why???????
Killed over results.
Don't want!!!!!!!!

The teacher is feeling very touched at this moment because she thought her kids care so much about her and her life.

Until they said
We want our test papers back.
-_-"

Life is but a practical game.

I guess on the surface I have been coping well.
Joking and taliking like the usual me.

But, subconsciously, I am very affected.
I fight with people very easily.
I fought with my family recently and everytime I talk to mr pms, we will argue.
For sure.

I thought it was an omen that I will suck for friday.
Even my mom informed me of that.
And me too I was convinced.
All prepared.
And cried over this omen.
I still don't know whether it is.
But I will know tomorrow.

Until then, ironically, my auntie came to my house last night, took a look at me and said,
"You are temperamental and emotional because you have hormones unbalanced( as quoted)"

ok.
Thank goodness.

2007-02-28T14:47:00.000+08:00

I am providing my friend mr pms. with free unlimited broadband blog surfing.

I came to the conclusion that perhaps I have become less funny-that's why my friends have stopped reading and tagging.:(
I will try my best to spin up 16 articles because that is how many blog entries mr pms. wants.

Quantity over Quality.

Oh.
I shall begin with my new colleages.
There are two new army boys in school lately.
After what seemed like a mere 10 minutes into the conversation, which was entitled " My army days- life of a 20 year old" , I realised with horror that I have been addressing him and his fellow army friends as "army boys" for the entire 10 mins.

I realised that only because, after every army boys I said in my sentences, he will begin his new sentence with " We NS men....".Is this how mr pms. and thong boy will talk to me in future? Will my army boys talk to me like NS men in future?

Horrors at what NS can do to boys- the new NS slogan should be " Turn army boys into NS men"

I realised with sadness and in pain, that once a long long time ago, these Men were once boys.
These men address 19 year old girls as mam. These men address 50 year old women as mam.
Where is the "miss"?

Where is the joke?
I make so many jokes like 4/10 sentences but angel laughs at them selectively.
Blackie is a more sporting person.
He laughs 2/10.
of which 8/10 of the time he spent trying to decipher my speech because my mouth was filled with rice.

And so, I fear that I will lose mr pms. and thong boy to the army.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
WILL THEY INSIST ON ME CALLING THEM NS MEN????

we shall see.

2007-02-28T09:50:00.000+08:00

I guess everyone has stopped reading my blog, since there is nothing to read.

Happy end of February!:) I am currently chomping on corn bread on my congested table.

The above statement has plenty for me to analyse.
It is a very important analysiS
1. Why am I chomping on corn bread when I have an excess of lunch time?

- My lunch partner is giving a test and the test ends at 2.
-I am waiting for my students because they are supposed to meet me for orals and make-up test.
- I am starving ang blogging.
-corn bread is my favourite type of bread.

2. Why is my table congested?

-because I got no time to pack
- I thought I am leaving soon but end up don't need because now I have 2 relief teaching jobs anD i don't know which one to take.
- I have a lot of things unmarked
-I have test to set

I continue to blog.

To prevent from becoming a log.

A mechanical log who teaches

and preaches

and is becoming like peaches.

Where are her students?

Where? Where Where?

The above question was inputed because

the poet was really at a loss

Of which words to rhyme with students

when anything ents- is pronounced as "ants"

and not "unts"

As you can see

Miss Boring Taysi

is really wishy washy

because she is waiting longingly

For her lunch partner Leong Waiyi.

Hai.
Sometimes I really wish I am a little less talented
At rhyming.

2007-02-24T02:13:00.000+08:00

不可不信缘（华韩双声道）主演：孙艺珍、赵承佑、赵寅成
The Classic (Dual Sound – Mandarin/Korean) Cast: Son Ye-Jin , Cho Seung Woo , Jo In-Seong

Story Outline:
Director Kwak Jae-Yong’s long-awaited follow-up to Korean hit My Sassy Girl culminates in this emotional and wistful love story. College student Chi-Hye (Son Ye-Jin) is in love with Sang-min (Jo In-Seong), the boyfriend of her narcissistic best friend Su-kyeong (Lee Sang-in). But she finds herself unable to express her true feelings to him so she has her friend writing e-mails to him in her name. As the boy falls in love with letters, Chi-Hye discovers that her mother's past romance is uncannily similar to her own circumstances. As the story moves between past and present, parallels are drawn between the lessons learned and heartbreaks of mother and daughter whose destinies are inextricably intertwined.

故事大纲：
梓希跟秀景是同校的大学生，她们双双暗恋戏剧学会的尚民。一向较为主动外向的秀景要求梓希代写情书给尚民。梓希便将自己对尚民的情感毫无保留地抒发出来，却被迫要写上秀景的名字。尚民看过那些情书后深受感动，渐渐也被秀景吸引住。梓希每每遇上他都感到混身不自在，甚至内疚，但越是设法逃避他，缘份越是将他们拉得更近。
一天梓希收拾房间时，发现一个神秘的箱子，里面满载着她母亲初恋的回忆。梓希发觉母亲的初恋故事跟她的遭遇竟巧妙地相似。种种的巧合更令她对尚民的好感日益增加……

Trust me.
This is a super nice movie.
I used up 4 packets of tissue for this movie.
To wipe up my tears and mucus intertwined.
Must Watch.

You come and ask me.
I tell you the story.
Equally nice.
But right now I'm sick so I must sleep.

Yes Fengyi, he is so so pretty also.:D
We call him mei3 xing2 nan2.
Must watch the aforementioned movie okie?

2007-02-16T23:32:00.001+08:00

I really want to blog about my birthday but that is my CNY activity.

Just like how I am currently eyeing the True Singapore Ghost Stories lying on my table,dying to read it, but I can't because it is reserved for CNY Day 1.
I borrowed it from my student.-_-

Just now Leong and I went to watch Norbit.
Along the way many things happened to us.

I lao saied before I went out of the house, that was why I was terribly late.
But if I had been earlier, we wouldn't meet Shan and Carrie ( from Perfect 10) and Shan wouldn't have tried to kiss me.
I wish. His face was like beside mine.:(
I think I look very pretty in the picture.
Such faith!

Carrie gave me two oranges.
Shan was like 200 cm tall and handsome.
But of course, if you had read my radio episode, you would know that he really isn't that nice a guy. However, good-looking people are easy to forgive.
I would like a jerk.

Then we ate Burger King and discussed about Kellocks.
I understand that Kellocks tries hard to be bimbotic but she really is not.
She is also a cunning sort of person but so far she has not showed that side of her to me yet.
So far, I like her and feel comfortable around with her.
I cannot understand why Leong has an issue with her attitude.
Which made me realise that I really am fortunate enough that God made me easy-going enough to like people and let people like me, I hope.
Which is why I am happy most of the time except for when I fail maths.

I just want to say that everyone has a slight devilish side to them but because of the good side, this side gets suppressed.
And it should remain suppressed.
Then everyone would be happy.

I always try to joke and be less serious about things.
Because everything is so serious in life already and if you continue being so austere and sombre,what would life me to you?
Humour is an important element in my life.
What not wit and slapstick?

Laughter is laughter.
Happy is happy.

I would recommend Norbit.
I really is this sweet, humorous movie that you and your other half might want to watch.
Norbit, the protagonist ,stars Eddie Murfy as this man who grew up in an orphanage and marries a super humongous woman .
He ended up getting bullied by her and her brothers, feeling miserable and oppressed.
Until she appears.
And she is the one he married when they were young.
Pretty like a breath of fresh air she is.
Not much of a plot but more of a sojourn that Norbit goes through in fighting for his right to love.
And his emotions.

Witty and funny.
Plenty of Humour.
Slapstick, wit, fun, it's funny to watch.
And sweet at the same time.
Expect some real surprises by Eddie starring as 3 different characters in the movie.
Guess who!>_<

I give it _ _ _
* 3.5 cups of teh si.

2007-02-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

2007-02-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

I am currently setting my students' test papers.

Trying to adopt some questions from the NA assessment book, but to my horror, I realised that the questions in this book were molded after the secondary one express book.

I feel like puking.
My stomach feels weird.
I think stomach flu hit me again.:(

It feels like the stressful period before A levels all over again.

I want to blog about my birthday, but I don't feel well currently.

My heart hurts.
My stomach hurts.
My brain hurts.

I hope I don't die without dating first.

I am so happy that day.
When he smsed me to wish me happy birthday, and was a tad too pissed that i didn't ask him to come.

Instead of feeling bad and guilty, I felt Dui. ( means hammer my heart.)
Wished I had asked him.:(
I just assumed he didn't have time for my birthday.

I wonder why I feel Dui.
Obviously enough, there was a period when I really really liked him.
Badly enough to make myself angry and emotional when he agitated me.
I am hardly an agitated person.

Like real. Haha.

I can see no conclusion to whatever thing I might have for him.
So why bother letting anyone know?
So, I just stopped liking him.

This is what happens to relationships which will never conclude.

You might like him enough to do anything for him.
But one day, with the snap of a finger,
you figure that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel,
you stray,
you feel scared because it is dark,
you shout for his name,
all you hear is vague random echoes,
there are several routes to follow in the dark,
you might meet a blocked end if you go through one,
you might meet a monster if you go another,
you might fall from a cliff if you can't see in the dark,
and there he is, in one of those many caves.

Would you take a risk and walk through all the caves?

Maybe your heart might have died before seeing him.
Maybe he might have left without you.
Or maybe, he was never there in the first place.
You just imagined him to be there.

The obvious solution would be to turn back and seek for another route.
One with obvious path to .....................i don't know...

2007-02-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

The legendary mr pms said " laoshi zao, zhe jian xun lai de zao, sheng ri kuai le! wo tou tong, xian shui, ming tian jian!

xiaoming said " happy birthday, minsi! am i the first one? haha.have a beautiful 19th year ahead of you!"

weiqi said, " darling minsee...happy happy birthday!!=D u're not too far from the big 2 alr haha may you have an unforgettable bday in sch!To celebrate, dun teach! love you muak!"

christie says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
QUICK WISH ME IM 19 LE LEI says:
thanks! haha
christie says:
i waited up until 12 to wish u happy birthday leh

melvin says:
HAPPPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY
QUICK WISH ME IM 19 LE LEI says:
THANKSSSSSSSSS

Citron.... Damn!! my watch conned me!! i tot it is the 8 of feb today... says:
happy bday minsi!

Tay si says:

Min Si! In the new year, you must:
1. Eat lesser
2. Exercise more
3. Be less petty
4. Argue lesser with mr pms
5. love God more
6. Earn more money
7. Be less niao
8. bring joy to more people's lives
9. laugh lesser at mantis
10. get a boyfriend:(

you must be happy also

2007-02-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

Actually, I wanted to blog about my last day as an eighteen year old, but I decided to blog about him while I am still in the mood for gossip.

Actually I wanted to be angry at mr pms but I saw his message and immediately brightened up. I wish your headache to disappear the moment FEB 8 reaches! Woohoo! I really was very pissed 2 minutes ago but now I am alright. That is how much my mood fluctuates.

I am the most bhb birthday girl I know.
I did so many bhb things I actually feel paiseh now.
Over the years I thought I have perfected the art of thick skin.
Unfortunately, my skin is still very thin at times.

The Buay Hiao Bai Deeds that Tay Si committed

1. I shamelessly told all my classes that I was born on 8/2/1988
2. I shamelessly requested for a present that I have dreamt about day and night for many months from my friends and it isn't very cheap.
3. I shamelessly co-organised my own birthday gathering.
4. I shamelessly hinted to many people that tomorrow is very important.
5. Once again, I shamelessly gave my friend fengyi the brand/model number/ colour of the present I want.
6. I wanted to shamelessly tell Ring Ring that my birthday is tomorrow while I was talking to him just now but I managed to contain it.
7. Ring Ring is Angeloc.
8. I just told my brother's friend my birthday is in 10 minutes.
9. I asked my brother how come he never give me any present since the day he was born and I was 18 months older than him.
10. My equally shameless brother said ," You got give me things meh?" Got can.

I am going to turn 19 soon.
Very soon. I dreamt before that I was going to die when I'm 18. I just thank God that I am still alive to enjoy the world that he created, the friends that He created. How magical his hands are, to put all us special people together.:D

My mother is currently reminscing about me when I was young.
I am SUPER OLD. I just noticed today that my dad's hair is white. It means that as I am ageing, my parents are ageing as well. I should give them more money.

The pathetic self just shamelessly put on her nick " QUICK WISH ME I'M 19 LE LEI."

I want to kiss my friend who cannot use chopsticks.
You will forever live in my heart.
Although I talk very loudly, versus your very soft spoken manner, I always like the fact that you never ask me to lower down my volume.

I want to hug my friend who always make me happy. God bless you and your legs and you and your subtle china accent.

I want to hug my friend who another friend said should join thai boxing because she is mantis. Mantis:( I miss you lei.

I want to tell mr pms that although he pms many times, i will still want to hug him also, because it is not his fault that he pms. And I like your message!

I also want to tell you miss png that I like you and your ways!

And straight bowls! You and your conversations and laughter will be with me while I blow my cake tomorrow.

And many more.

Happy 19th birthday Taysi:D!!!!

2007-02-06T10:15:00.000+08:00

:(

Just got niaoed by leong leong that i shouldn't use people's names on my blog.

I shall give everyone nicknames.

But I wasn't violating any laws. Perhaps just infringing on a little of their privacy.

Haha.

If I truly get into trouble, I will be like single eyed dragon and defend myself in court.

Just so that I can get my one minute of fame.

What a loser.

Ew, going to see the noisy migraine causing class in just 6 mins.

2007-02-06T08:38:00.001+08:00

I am very full.

I just ate some bread that I prepared.
You would most probably be grossed out by what I put inside my bread.
It is a weird combination if you just hear it but acctually it is a delicacy.

I put cheese spread first layer.
Peach, blackcurrant and strawberry jam on the second layer, as in 3 different areas on the bread.
Then, tuna on the last layer.
Stack the 2 slices of bread together and cut them into small slabs.

It is surprisingly delicious.

I just heard that the English department always cater for their meetings.
Or order pizza in.
I admit.
Chinese Department is niao1.
Niao1.
Should be called Chinese Cat Department instead of Chinese.
All they know is to exploit me.:(

I have to work late on my birthday,thanks to mass exploitation by Ping Pong Break a leg, Dao Huey . Ah Sim totally ignores me. Chan Mali Chan does not know my name but only know that I can help her to do her computer stuff. THe egg head always call me Si Min. And this morning I went up to him and said " Egghead, my name is Tay Si."

Then he said very calmly," Ya. I know your name is Tay Si."
Like real.-_-"

The job isn't really as bad as I am describing it to be.
Because most of my friends are from other departments.
Like English.

The only nice and angelic person in the entire department is Salty Bell. She is so so so super kind. She lends me her super duper hanyupinyin software thing. And tells me the stuff I have to do( that I didn't know I have to do.)

I have to set the normal tech paper.
I have to set the third language paper.
I am so so so so super cool.

Yeah right.

I was on the phone with Jianming last night and realised how mean the adult world truly is.
I shall not elaborate on his case since it is his private matter.

I just thank God that my friends and I are still safe.
That we will continue to be safe.
Woohoo!

2007-02-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

I forgot to add this.

Jianming and Weiqi, you two are VERY missed.

At least I talk to the rest regularly:(

Must blog ok.

2007-02-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

My brother is Studying on his bed.
Right Now.

I have not seen him study like this since his O levels. -_-
I prefer him when he is in his studying state.

Speaking of which, Praise God!
I passed my basic theory exam for driving.

Different comments from my family members.

Mummy said " Good. Next time papa fall down we will have a driver in the house to send him to the hospital."
Taysi says " YAH:D"
weird family.

Papa said " Chey, my boss that stupid son also one time pass, no big deal lah. tikum oso can."
Taysi says" Yah. Luckily just now you told me this before my exam or else I will fail."

Shuai Di says " Wah smart people is like that one. One time can pass. My stupid friend Ah Long took 12 times basic still haven't pass."
Taysi says" wah. your friend really very stupid lei. Should call him Ah gong( stupid) not Ah long."

And so, that was how my Monday night went.

I am terribly good at snooping around.

Leong Leong and I discovered there were 2 new relief teachers in school but they did not know that we existed.

Ever the reporter at heart, I did some snooping around and found out from my resources that

Angeloc :
Born in year 1986.
Stays in Khatib.
Fresh Army Graduate.
Was in the drama company in the Army.
Pretty good-looking.
Previously from angmoh school.
Speaks fluent English and No Chinese.
Teaches Math. Which my students complained he sucks.
Going to pursue Biology and dance in Connecticut in August.
Connecticut is in south new york.
He dances.
Tell me he is not gay.
I think he is not.
Because he was trying to chat leong leong up.
Quote from him: " I CAN BE AN ANGEL OR A DEVIL. YOU DECIDE."

PE T:
Born in 1988.
Previously from SAJC.
Teaches PE.
Relief teacher for Man Yeo because he went for reservice.
Only teacher in the entire school who wears fbt shorts.
Is known for crying and running out of class.
Because this girl hurled a series of vulgaries at her while she was teaching.
Famous for returning home at 1.15 everyday.
And teacher 4 periods a day.
FAMOUS QUOTE: " WHATEVER"

I LOVE THIS ENTRY.

2007-02-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

I taught about courage today.

勇气。

然后我就问同学们什么是勇气？许多同学给了我不同的答案。其中，Dopey 更是逗趣地说，“勇气就是在老师的面前surf porn。”

-_-" 顿时，郑老师眉头尝试深锁，但是严重的失败了。"Dopey, 不可以乱讲话。哈哈哈”

I'm such a weird teacher.

接着，我开始教导我的材料。我分享了自己的奋斗史，自己如何在一群瘦子之中生存，如何利用自己的勇气走出自卑的小圈子，结交了我一生都不会忘记的朋友。

我还分享了自己对于勇气的见解。

勇气就是能告诉你爱的人你爱他。

After lesson, I didn't realise I made such a huge impact on my students. I could tell that they were enjoying my lessons. But I didn't know what I was teaching was impactful.

Because whenever I taught and raised a new point about courage, they would raise up their hands and ask me new questions, tell me their thoughts, tell me their opinions.

At the end after I left the class, Ah Fu asked me

“老师，那你有勇气跟你爱的人说你爱他吗？”

2007-02-01T13:17:00.000+08:00

我刚刚改完30篇应用文。

我改了这么多篇作品，发现多数的同学们喜欢在文章里发表自己对于老师，尤其是对于华文老师的看法。请问谁是他们和蔼可亲，美丽动人的花纹老师呢？

没错。那就是善解人意的我。
当了一个月的老师，我发现我越来越有耐心了。
以前别人说我的不是，我就会火冒三丈。
现在的我不但能沉住气，甚至还能从批评中找出快乐。

哈。

以下是两位同学对于我的意见。非常的不同哦。

极端分子1：

“可是，我所有的老师都很可恶，由奇（应该是尤其）是我的华文老师，她特别的可恶！”

极端分子2：

“在我很多老师当中，我最喜欢的老师是华文老师，因为她把课教的很有趣。其时（实），我很讨厌华文可是在她细心的教导下，我渐渐地喜欢这个科目。”

I have no idea why that boy dislikes me because I don't even pick on him.
In fact it is the second one who always gets scolded by me in class because he always talks.

But I feel very heartened to know that he likes my lesson.
Best of all, he likes chinese more and more now.
I have not failed as a teacher.:D

Though I always go around promising lollies but I always forget.
Haha. Teaching is heart-warming.
And funny.:D

2007-01-28T17:00:00.000+08:00

I am going to do what I do best when I am sick.

Moan.

Arghz. I am pretty much stuck at home these few days, because I am sick. Yeah yeah yeah, you've heard all about it. But I still want to moan anyway, because you got to give a sick person credit for being sick.

For what?* rolls your containers of eyeballs in exasperation*
She is pale. She is uglier than ever. She has a transvestite-like voice. She has phelgm in her chest. And the annoying Iz Lee Qi Rong at church not only was ungentlemanly towards her at church today, but even Snubbed her.

The diva in Taysi is injured.
Noone was spared. Iz Lee Qi Rong got double the punishment.
If I tell you how he spoke to me today, you would be annoyed too.

Last time, when I was still a carefree teenager, who was all but 18, spent her allowance like it was freshly printed From the FMB- Father Mother Bank. I mean I am matured and understood my parents' pain to earn the blood-sweat money, but let's say that saving was never really one of my virtue.

Niao1 I was, but thrifty I'm not.

To date, I don't know whether my money goes to.
Maybe all to my food? That's why I'm never thin.

But ever since I started earning money properly, my dear friends, money is all sweat and blood. Why I know? Because I sweat and vomit blood every single day of my teaching career. Figuratively and Literally Speaking as for now.

Please hor.
Next time when you make your cute babies and they go preschools, kinder, and primary schools, and secondary and jc, give them enough allowance to buy their teachers red pens.

Because teachers have to buy their own red pens.-_-"

Now, I am digressing.

This morning, my mom told me a short story. Now, if you know me well, you might realise that I always always talk about my mom. What better ways to show your respect and love for the person who brought you to this earth?

In any case, sometimes I also swear and curse at her lah. But 90% of the time I like my mom enough. But 100% of the time, I love her.So the next time I complain to you about my mom. Just tell me to shut the hell up. Thank you.

Back to the story.

This is the image my mom put into my head. She and my dad were roaming in Neighbourhood 1 market eating breakfast this morning when they saw a woman. A Woman Decked in dirty, dust-filled, old and ugly clothes. Her face was dirty and she smelt - bad.

Then my ever imaginative mom started imagining herself as the woman and wanted to cry because she thinks that she would be like that very soon.* At this point I told my mom, " Even if I die, I will also give you money to survive." Then she said, " Ok. When you can do it, then say. Now cannot say." -_-"" Ok lor.

Yah. Then My mom is really a very kind person, never mind her scary looks she shoots at me when she wants to scold me. But she is considerate enough to care for the woman's pride as well. She told me that when you want to help people, you can't be so direct like ask the person , " Can I give you some money?" That is like injuring their pride lah. That is like damaging their spine with a dagger.

So my mom did it in the most ordinary manner possible, she asked the woman," Can I treat you to a bowl of noodles?" This seemingly simple action has seared a mark in my heart I can tell you. If I was grubby and poor and dirty and in need of money but I didn't want to beg for money, I would be grateful that this person was sincere in helping me.

Yah. So did the woman take the bowl of noodles?
She didn't. But the look on her face told my mom that she appreciated the kind gesture.
With a thankful heart, She said " Xie xie. Wo hai shi ke yi de."

Sometimes, we might be poor.
Sometimes, we might be rich.
But when we are rich, we should help the poor.
And when we are poor, we shouldn't beg for help.
Whatever little means we can survive on we must try.
That is why God gave us determination. That is why God gave us a soul, for us to think and ruminate.

I will pray for that woman.Starting from today.

2007-01-28T02:30:00.000+08:00

One of the perks of being a journalist.

To be able to get free tickets to concerts.
To be able to get close to feilunhai.

Just kill me.
And tell me why I am seeing faces of children everyday.
Instead of hot guys.

Tell me.
Is it the pay?
Or is it bad luck?
Or is it good luck?
It's not luck. Hai.

Life is just the way it is meant to be

HAIOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

2007-01-27T13:58:00.000+08:00

I didn't realise I posted the same blog so many times.
Sorry.

Ya, you girls are really free. Haha. And Leong Leong is who Wan qi said she is. Woohoo.

Yesterday I was very touched.
Nearing to the end of day, which was about 12.40pm, many of my students see me so so so sick, until they came and comfort me.

The Monkey in the class said this to me at the beginning of the lesson:"
You see lah. Everyday also scold me. Scold until you have no voice. Obi lah you."
The Monkey in the class said this to me at the end of the lesson:" Zheng Min Si Lao Shi, please go and heal yourself, make yourself better by Monday so you can scold me again. Very weird lei. Never hear you scold me."

Because my throat was so painful and hoarse I couldn't speak a single word.

Some of the comments with regards to my illness:
" Wah Laoshi. Your nose is sibeh red lei. Chinese new year coming right."
-_-" Yes.
" Laoshi, how come your nose like Rudolph today? HAHA. VERY RED LEI. LIKE YOUR SCARY NAILS."

While others enjoyed the process of trying to guess the messages I was trying to convey to them.

1 month into the job, I begin to realise the death spot of every single student.The Naughty Zoo Class that is.

Monkey is Scared To Death of me giving him 0 marks.
He will always beg me for another chance.

Dopey is scared of tickling.
Everytime he is sleeping or don't do his work, I tickle.

Sleepy always sleeps.
But he always does his work.
So it's ok.

It's just that Crushy always annoys me.
But he's super cute.

Maybe they should call me Zookeeper Tay.:)

I am still not well.
Even typing requires 90% of what ever energy I have.
My phelgm is yellowish black.
My head hurts
My voice is gone.
And I have not bathed since thursday night.
Ew.

2007-01-26T10:50:00.003+08:00

可怜可怜这个生病的我啊！
真的很辛苦：（

头烧到快要爆了，还死命撑着！
喉咙都没有声音了还要骂人，强颜欢笑。
呜呼哀哉！

唉。。。。

不过，再灰暗的一天也会有一把彩色伞出现。
那就是坐在我左边的Mr Yeo.

Seriously, Leong Leong and I both agree that he is THE nicest male teacher in the entire school.
He smiles at us.
He talks to us, though not much.
He goes out of his way to be polite to everyone.

He is Man.
He is Hot.
He teaches PE and English.

I wish to know his age.
And his marital status.
Leong Leong once again agrees that he rocks.

Today I am sneezing like a sneezing machine.
Face as pale as my shuai ge student when he was sick.
Voiceless like a cup of Teh-si without the carnation milk.
Noone asked after me, except my students who are very good kids today.

Because I couldn't talk.

Except for Mr Yeo.
Who outstretched his arm, like he's about to do PE.
And looked at me with a 100% concerned look.

With his bassy and sexy vibes, he asked as he frowned in a concerned manner," Are you ok?"

The terrible sick Minsi,
who looks like shit, maybe worse than shit,
with tissue permanently attached to her nose,
murmured," I'm sick.:"
With a weak ,ladylike smile that I tried desperately to come up with.

"You must take care, ok?"

-U- Of course.:D

And so I melted on the spot.
Due to illness.

2007-01-26T10:50:00.002+08:00

2007-01-26T10:50:00.001+08:00

2007-01-26T10:50:00.000+08:00

2007-01-25T12:41:00.001+08:00

I have sinus today.
I was sneezing and sneezing and sneeeeeezing...
Then, to my horror, I saw a huge piece of fresh red blood on my tissue.
I thought I was going to die.

As quickly as I was horrified, i discovered that it was not blood
but rather, my bloody red nails poke through the tissue paper,
causing me to mistake my nail polish for nose blood.

Wah. Scary can? What if I sneeze so much until I have intenal bleeding?
Then maybe my brain juice and spinal juice float out with my nose juice.
Ew. So gross.

Maybe I should just listen to mummy for once and erase the red.
:( Don't want lei.

Anyway, I made a new friend.
Who thinks that HPY from Hc A13 is cute.
He used the word cute.
Oh my.
I was like trying to describe HPY
AND I used the phrase "Transvet."
He is what.

:P

In anycase, Melvina, You should be honoured that I am giving u enough face to put you in my blog. Haha.
You are pretty cool, but I am hot.
Bloody hot. Woohoo.
Wow. I used so many oo in this paragraph. Terribly proud of myself.

SHit i forgot to tell my students something very important. HOWWWWWWWWW'

I just read Weiying's blog.
And Weiying, the education arena might be cleaner than the journalist one.
But not much anyway, the coportatizing of schools in this age and year is ruining the noble agenda of education.

Peace to Minsee.

2007-01-25T12:41:00.000+08:00

I have sinus today.
I was sneezing and sneezing and sneeeeeezing...
Then, to my horror, I saw a huge piece of fresh red blood on my tissue.
I thought I was going to die.

As quickly as I was horrified, i discovered that it was not blood
but rather, my bloody red nails poke through the tissue paper,
causing me to mistake my nail polish for nose blood.

Wah. Scary can? What if I sneeze so much until I have intenal bleeding?
Then maybe my rain juice and spinal juice float out with my nose juice.
Ew. So gross.

Maybe I should just listen to mummy for once and erase the red.
:( Don't want lei.

Anyway, I made a new friend.
Who thinks that HPY from Hc A13 is cute.
He used the word cute.
Oh my.
I was like trying to describe HPY
AND I used the phrase "Transvet."
He is what.

:P

In anycase, Melvina, You should be honoured that I am giving u enough face to put you in my blog. Haha.
You are pretty cool, but I am hot.
Bloody hot. Woohoo.
Wow. I used so many oo in this paragraph. Terribly proud of myself.

SHit i forgot to tell my students something very important. HOWWWWWWWWW'

I just read Weiying's blog.
And Weiying, the education arena might be cleaner than the journalist one.
But not much anyway, the coportatizing of schools in this age and year is ruining the noble agenda of education.

Peace to Minsee.

2007-01-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

A whole bunch of teachers were passing round this picture of Wu Zun in the staffroom today.

To my horror, these were some of the comments that were made.
" Wah. He's so pretty lei. Like A GIRL"
"Zai Zai prettier lei."
" Who is he? Korean? Must be got plastic surgery before."
" Wah really very chio lei. Prettier than me."

I really couldn't bear with it anymore.
With passion and courage, I rushed up to them, with tears in my eyes and exclaimed:" Ah................His name is Wu Zun. He is from fei lun hai. He is from Brunei. And he looked like this since he was born. And he is PRETTIER THAN ZAI ZAI."

Then the teachers said.
" Who is feilunhai?"
" Brunei got such good looking guys meh?"
"Wah I think I am old lei. I don't know what feilunhai is."

Sigh, indeed. I am the youngest teacher there.

2007-01-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

Everyone in the Tay Family had a set of the famous Taysi's homemade Pasta.It looks and tastes fabulous.
I love my new hairstyle.

These are my newly painted nails, which my mom were HIGHLY against.
She said " You will get fired by the principal."
ok lor.

I was trying to create a contrasting effect between my (red) nails with the black and white on the model's clothes. I did not, however, realise that I was grabbing her boob.

2007-01-22T21:37:00.000+08:00

I am really Auntie Min Si. This is my first ever nephew:D

This is my cousin. She is called Cheryl. She is also Auntie Cheryl.
I hope my nephew is not looking at something he shouldn't be looking at.:p
Hoho! My model wannabe cousin NX!

2007-01-22T13:40:00.000+08:00

I am taking more pleasure in my work now.
It is more fufilling and interesting than ever.
I've never felt more responsible.:D

I admit, if the teaching profession had been more distinguishing in it's selection of employees,
if the salary 1.5 times more than the current pay,
if there is lesser workload,
I would become a teacher.:D
Because I enjoy marking, planning and interacting with youths.

4 weeks into the job and I am finally finding pleasure in routine.
Frankly speaking, I am not really into routine.
I am more into adrenaline.

But, as I am discovering more and more about these young ones that I have a hand in molding,
I realise I am not just a teacher,
but also a part-time mom, friend,tutor and nurse.

The most exciting part of my job occured today!
My student got sick.
Woohoo, and I had to call his mom up.

Today, I got to meet my first parent.:D
Not for complaint or anything,haha, Come on!
I finally found out his name.
He is the most shuai guy in my sec 1 chinese class.
So good-looking. This time I am saying it for REAL!
Don't doubt my taste:P
Anyway, it pained my heart to see him suffering in pain because he has fever.
His face was ash-white and he couldn't even talk or walk.
Or he could do was stare up at me with his pitiful eyes and pale face.
I felt like hugging him.:(
Maternal instincts haha.

I did NOT haha attack him.
Too young.
He does not look like his dad.
Who is a lecturer at my brother's poly, maybe he teaches my brother and I teach his son.
Cool!
So shuai, I bet he got his good looks from his mom.

I shall take photo with him before I leave.
I have a crush on my student.:(

BUT I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON THAT IRRITATING DISGUSTING LOOKING FELLOW WHO HAS THE SAME SURNAME AS ME.
Talk about bad luck. Which I don't believe in.
He has bad breath, which cause me to want to close my nostrils when I talk to him.
He has a horrible attitude, always talking about horrible stuff about me in front of me.
He asked me if I was bluffing about my love story.
Oh come on. He said:" You are fat and stupid, why will anyone like you?"
I made him do detention.:D
And told him, " You have hair like maggi mee and super bad breath, I don't think any girls will want you.Ever.Forever. Moreover, Your psle score lose to me by 10 points. Talk about stupid."

The part about the maggimee is true.
Somemore he wrote that he don't like chinese lesson.
Wah. He is the only one is my 70++ students.
Talk bout murder.

In any case, this conversation when reflected to any sensible or sane adult will probably roll their eyes.
How can a 19 year old bicker with a 13 year old. That is so childish.
But if you were me, you would want to kill that boy, yes he is THAT irritating.
And I tell you, teachers can take revenge, by failing you. WAHAHAHA.
of course, I am not that evil.

I found out that my favourite boy in class has diabetes.
He wrote that in his essay.
Now I have another reason to hate diabetes.

Oh yeah, talking about irritating students, there is this horrible horrible girl in class who speaks like a man. Throaty and bassy, I was spooked by her voice for many days before I finally got used to it.

Also, she likes to sa3 jiao1. And teh2.
Wah I cannot take it.
But I have my temper under control.
She better don't give me that face again, or else I will torture her.

In any case, I like this class as well as my NA class.
:D

2007-01-17T09:58:00.000+08:00

AH.

This is so freaking frustrating.
Why does he have to put a hand into everything that I do?
The way I do things, the way I speak.

Fine. I admit I am a little too loud, until you in your air conditioned office can hear me in my classroom. Thank you for your help offered. I am not having problem really. Because they are indeed scared of me. I do what I mean.I refuse to believe in punishments. It just does not work. I believe in encouragements, reward systems. I believe that in the long while, my efforts will pay off, please respect me, ok?

Plot is that I have to speak very loudly in class.
People who have met with me recently will probably realise that I am talking a lot louder than I used to. Thanks to this voice straining job. My lung hurts. M throat hurts. My forehead hurts because I have to shout at them-the noisy ones. But I do not want to punish them. What for? Will it work in the long term?

Kids nowadays have no respect for teachers at all.
I called this girl up to the front to read a poem and she insisted on not coming.
I warned her to come up again but she mouthed the work "fuck".
I got very angry and I told her that if she ever did that again, she is dead.
Because I do not like girls who scold vulgarities.

Sometimes I just want to scold some vulgarities in class. That class.

They are really nice kids.
But they don't ever keep quiet.

This dm seems to be going his way out to get me terminated.

Well. Forget about it. BECAUSE I CAN HANDLE IT.

2007-01-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

Mersing- Your Place to be.

Last December, I went to Malaysia with my church for our church camp.:D I never even heard of Mersing until that day.
Mersing is this fishing harbour in Johor State. It is small, but strong and steady.I sound stupid.

It boasts of sea resorts. The one I stayed at was especially clean. They called it a camp site. But the way I see it? It is the most luxurious camp site that a camper can ever dream of.

Jesus walking on water was a miracle. Being the human that I am, God gave me the rare chance of stepping on the sea. It felt wondrous-magical. The bottom of the sea was not what I imagined it to be. I thought that it would be bottomless. -_-"
That the sea would never have a bottom to it.

Yes I am an Arts student.:P

The beach seemed sprinkled with golden dust at sunset.
That was the perfect time when my church mates and I went out to the sea, walked on it and picked up the seashells, one by one.

Purple. Red. Yellow. Round. Oval. Square.
Colours of Shells we saw were rare:)
* good rhyme over there taysi.

Over with the sentimental words experiment thing. Now back to the old show and tell.:)

Me and my sentimental coconut.
I was indulging in it.

I like this slide particularly. I felt like I was a kid.:)
Guess what the uncle is doing. I will give you a sweet.
Brrr....... It's cold. What is the machine for?
She is Very Pretty.

I was trying to act pretty. Failed.
I stepped on the sea.:D
My favourite picture.:) I entitled it " A walk down the memory lane."
SHE SELLS SEASHELLS ON THE SEASHORE.

MY pink stores.
I have a frog in my hand. Watch closely.

That explains my frozen smile
Minsee walking on the sea. Praise God!
Goodbye mersing!

2007-01-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

I am currently bitching bout a certain dao huey with huey sun.
Notice the similarities in the "huey".
But that's where it begins and ends.
Huey sun is a rose.
Dao Huey is really just a rafflesia, also known as the shit flower with pungent smell.
She sucks.
I swear I will play a prank on her the day I leave.
Please remind me to do it.
I feel like putting nails on her chair.
Woohoo!

2007-01-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

This is really bad.
I feel downright confused.
Is it my fault?
Things will never be the same again.

Some things are left better unsaid.

Here I am, a person who just went for her first Japanese class.
2 hours later, she is reading about how Japanese used to torture her countrymen years ago in WWII.

Conflict heh.
What should I think?
Should I continue to admire for it's culture, it's meticulous attitude towards everything, including language?
Or hold a grudge towards them?

What good would grudge do?
Today's inspiring quote from a student was, " Never live in the past, but learn from it." Have we? Have you? Have I?

Sometimes God made men and women differently.
We have the right to be petty.
You don't.
Guys. Blech.

2007-01-15T10:54:00.000+08:00

I just finished a lesson.
Very tired.
I still need to attend japanese lesson tonight.
I hope I can be awake by then.
Hai. Never marry a Chinese male teacher.
They are either boring.
Effeminate.
Abnormal.
Or just unmale.

I am the hippest chinese teacher I know.
My students told me that.
Sigh.
Quite happy to hear that.

2007-01-14T22:32:00.000+08:00

If I am a MOE key personnel, first thing I will do is to abolish the term " relief teacher". It connotes very negative, demeaning, condescending and agonising meaning.

To the students, it means that " I do not have to care about her." Or, " Jialat, my grades will be shit for the period that she's here." Or, " The school does not care about me."

To the * teachers, it means a lack of class, status and respect from the students, friends and colleagues. It does not mean that I am a * teacher and I am definitely in a lower rung than you.

To the parents, it means " Die. My children will suffer."

To the masses, it means " Haiya. Who don't know how to be teacher? Any shit person also can be one lah."

To the * teacher herself, " Sigh. I am just a substitute. I don't have to care so much."

But, I have though seriously about this problem.I have come up with a few coined terms. Tell me which one you like. Or is it just me who don't like the term relief teacher? Do you like it?

1. Teacher Intern
2. Teacher in training
3. Teacher associate

Or simply, teacher.
Of course, please do not think that schools or MOE are rubbish dumps for people who are incapable,do not think that MOE takes in anyone, just anyone, because, they DON'T. People do get rejected ok. And in fact, I did get chosen over 90 applicants for this so-called "relief teaching job."

Ok, enough ranting.
I think xx lacks depth.

2007-01-14T01:13:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to introduce some new elements to my blog, other than blogging about my teaching life.I guess I can continue blogging about it, but I do need a new focal point in my life, like travelling.

A teacher only talks about her students.
Blearh.

I'm trying to start this travel journal. I guess I will try by writing about my own experiences, please feel free to drop any comments on my tag board, which was kindly installed by dear Miss Lee Wei Qi.

In anycase, I am starting to like teaching a lot.
I feel good when I help a student with his work.
There is this guy in class who was promoted from NT to NA and his chinese is especially weak.

You would think that most people give up on children in certain streams.
The stigma is so deeply ingrained in every single one of us that you would want to think that they are Incurable* in terms of studies.

Guiltily, I was one of them.
Take this student for instance, he didn't know hanyupinyin for his entire life, until I taught him.
That was how I realised that I have made an impact on his life, whichever small way that I did, I had.
Hanyupinyin might be bull to many people, but to him, he was grateful that he finally managed to learn it.

For a kid who loves to sleep, talk and play, he asked me to stay with him after school to go through 1 zuo wen and 1 zuo ye because he didn't know how to read many words.

This is how people succeed.
This is how laziness is defeated.
This is how the threshold of the admirable intelligence and intellectual is surpassed.

I must admit.
I admire him.
There is so much more to learn from this job-from my students.

2007-01-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

Minsee says hi to you.
And she wants to say "THANK YOU!" to
Weiqi, jianming,fengyi and Wanqi.
Grateful for your presence in my life.
There can only be one of each of you.
Which is why she shows you her most touched
and grateful look.
While she is drinking coconut juice.
Everytime she sees a coconut, she will think of you:D

2007-01-09T23:10:00.000+08:00

"I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they're survivors, they came through so much. Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her...I met my other kids when they were 6 months old, they came with a personality. A newborn really is this...Yes, a blob! But now she's starting to have a personality...I'm conscious that I have to make sure I don't ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable."
- Angelina Jolie in the new issue of U.K. Elle

One weird woman.

I am making an effort.
You are not.
Don't give me shit.
You are only capable of hurting me because I am so vulnerable to my emotions.
I will control them.
I question your integrity.
You know who you are.

I am not having an easy time at work.
Teaching is a lot of work.
My student brought a knife to school today.
No biggie.
I had it under control.
I feel like an adult.
I think Singapore's Chinese textbooks suck.
I wonder how I survived through 12 years of Chinese.

Chinese teachers are dead boring.
Their jokes are not funny.
My friends are all from other departments.
I wonder why.
Dear God, please please guide me.
Thank you.

Thank you, you and you.
You guys rock.
Call me a relief teacher and you are dead.
Because I am doing the actual job.
Blar. It is so tiring.

2007-01-09T00:33:00.000+08:00

I hope my future boyfriend looks like this.

His name is Wu Zun.
He is very rich.
He speaks english.
He speaks Hokkien.
He is from Brunei.
He is my man.
And I am so crazy about him I am going to blow my pay on his band's cd. Weiqi and I like their songs.

Dear Wu Zun,

Will you please smile at me when I go for the meet-the fans-session ? Like how Nick Tse smiled at me when I saw him last year.
I think you are the prettiest boy I've ever seen. Do you know I am trying out my new diet plan because I was very inspired after watching 花樣少年少女? I plan to lose a lot of weight-FOR YOU. It is very miserable indeed eating fruits for my meals. But For You I will Survive.My biggest focous right now is to eat properly, exercise properly so when the day comes , when I interview you as a journalist, I will look good. Maybe you will shake my hands. Or give me a hug. Please sign on my cd on the day I meeting you, just 3 weeks later.

Love,
Your stalker fan,
Minsee.

I just pray that none of my students find out about my blog.
A teacher is not supposed to behave like this.
Haha.
Shall blog about teaching tomorrow. Wu Zun takes priority.

2007-01-06T14:51:00.000+08:00

Hello Everybody!
Happy New Year!:D

Even if it is a little late to wish you that, I got my new blogskin to present to you!! Earlier on I refused to blog because I had no time to change my skin, due to the new work and all. Any kind soul, please offer to help me install my new tag board. I understand that I have the most primitive blog on Earth.

This is what I wrote on my journal on my first day of work, whereby I spent the entire day planning lessons.

"I love it when the students greet me!
Good moring Teacher! Woohoo!
*Sneaks in a sneaky smile
Why can't I stay til Teachers' Day?
Then they can give me presents.:("

I had my first class yesterday.
As the days go by, I reckon I will respect the profession more and more but I already realise the truth- that teaching might be my cup of tea, but the administrative work associated with is will never be.

I felt important.
I felt respected.
I felt fufilled.
I fell in love with my first class.

If you think that teaching is the easiest job on Earth, like the silly old me used to think, you are so wrong. I woke up with a full blown case of sore throat this morning, due to speaking too much and at the top of my volume for 1 hour straight.

So I went into the class and wrote 郑敏思。
And they asked quite loudly ( Sec 3 NA class)“老师我们可以叫你郑敏思老师吗？”
Teacher Tay says “不可以！”
And then they asked “老师，我们可以叫你敏思吗？”
Teacher Tay feigns a horrified look “不可以！”
十分钟后，他们终于喊了起立，行礼，喊了一声“郑老师早安”
That was when I started to 偷笑。
The very naughty Chee Hon, who sits in front and shouted at the top of his voice." Ee.....老师，你Am4 qio2(偷笑)”

“不可以吗？我第一天当老师，很开心啊！”

Those who know me, know that I hardly ever flare up.
I mean even I myself don't know myself as a "flaring up" type of person.
But I knew I had to be strict with the class.
My chance came when the four boys at the back, of which 2 are highly good-looking kept talking, though not very loudly.

I can't really describe my expression, I thought about being fierce.
I think it was fierce enough, because the moment I put it on , the whole class fell quiet. They were already paying attention to me, but at that moment, everysingle one looked at me.
And to tell you the truth, that expression was highly feigned on my part.
Which was why I 偷笑again after making that expression.

With my highly fierce look, I set the tone and the rules straight.
“在我的班，我不希望有人不听我的课，对我没有礼貌。每个人都要做我的功课。你们四个当我是透明的吗？你们四个不可以坐在一起，快点分开！”

Wah. At that moment, my heart felt damn shiok.
because it was obvious that were afraid of me.
Earlier on I had joked with them, and told them a bit about myself.
Which was why I ended with the impactful statement in my lecture.

“你们不要以为我是一个嘻嘻哈哈的人，每次都和你们玩。该开玩笑的时候我会的。但是该严肃的时候，我们就要严肃。千万不要惹我，因为越是友善的人发起脾气来越是不好看。”

After this award winning oscar performance,I had quickly turn around to face the board because I felt a giggle coming. Once again, I 偷笑again.
But it worked. It really did!

I have more stories coming right up.
I have to go out now.
See ya:D

2006-12-31T16:52:00.000+08:00

Iz and me.
Kexin and Joanne
They are not a couple. They are siblings:P
And he is JAMES!!!!!

Christie and Vanessa!

The gayish relationship that is not meant to be.
Not with the fishball that Iz is holding. He is
Vanessa's korkor.

2006-12-31T16:41:00.000+08:00

My 姐弟恋对象。他叫Samuel。

2006-12-31T15:25:00.000+08:00

二零零六年的最后一天，敏思的心情十分的不漂亮。
因为和家里的母老虎宣战，吃了不少苦头。
呜乎哀哉！这场战可苦了我和我爹，因为打战很昂贵。爸爸的口袋因为我而破了一个大洞。sorry papa!

唉！将近十九岁的人了还这么幼稚，和母亲吵架！你应该是这样想的吧？
可是，我自认是一个挺能体恤父母辛苦的孩子，却做出如此不孝的举动。
但是，我真的忍无可忍了。我想要做一些自己喜欢做的事，谁知道我还能在这世上活多久？现在的人还不到五十岁就say byebye 了。

我不是消极。
我是面对现实而已。

唉。
我可以说前面的路还远着吗？
路会很难走吗？情愿走下去也不肯放弃。

今天牧师讲道的内容十分有趣，和我的名字息息相关。

囟=理性
心=感性
囟+心=思

因为古时候的囟(念xin1)代表着头顶上的头骨，那显示的我们人类的理性，我们用头脑来分析的结成品。而囟如今演变成了今天的田，也就是我名字的上段部分。思的下半部代表着人类的感性，我们能感受到不同的情欲与感情。

而造世主创造人的时候，就让我们有了理性与感性，这是何等神奇与微妙的啊！我非常开心因为自己就是上帝的代表作品，因为我是敏思！

所以，仗着我的思，我决定挥白旗。
因为圣经说孩子就是要听父母的话啊。
What to do?:P

2006-12-27T19:06:00.001+08:00

Teacher Tay's Totally Toasted.

She agreed to teach at Anderson without telling Northbrooks that she don't want them.

But that was because she thought Northbrooks didn't want her, since they didn't call her on Monday as promised.

Now she doesn't know how to say know:(

Am I that fabulous? Hai. I'm so sick now I don't even know how to say No. Help. Anyone want to take up my second offer?

Shit. I sound really big-headed.
How huh?

Help. Take this job off my hands. If you want to teach english literature at northbrooks, give them a ring. The school is in Yishun.

2006-12-27T19:06:00.000+08:00

2006-12-26T03:11:00.000+08:00

JOHN NEWTON - the sinner transformed to touch the lives of other sinners... «dª.l°gistics.man»™ says:
how come u forever look so short one?
JOHN NEWTON - the sinner transformed to touch the lives of other sinners... «dª.l°gistics.man»™ says:
wear high heels still so short ar?

i just have to write this down.
few people talk to me like that anymore.
not even my silly juvenile primary school classmates.

2006-12-26T02:59:00.000+08:00

"wah when u make up u actually can look rather presentable sia!"

yes. caleb( not christie's brother) said that to me.

goodnight.

2006-12-26T01:33:00.000+08:00

I am making a new friend now. He is called Mugger Kang.

He is Nicholas's friend. I used to have tons of trouble spelling Nick's name. It's like how I have problem spelling disappointed.( correct?)

According to terrible Nick, he said that I made him give me his entire class's email address so that I can add them on my list.

-_-" I am ashamed of my really really childish and boy-crazy antics.
Have mercy on my soul.You just had to dig out my dirty secrets and tell me right. Haha. Oh well.

I was really this hormones-haywired girl who is interested in every guy from er Backstreet Boys to Cat High Boys. Nick was from Cat High. I mean look at the way I blog now, I hardly, absolutely hardly blog about girls. Maybe, deep inside, I am just this promiscuous ferocious cat who want to eat you up.

Have mercy on my soul.

Because the opposites attract thing is such an age-old fascinating concept that I will, i suppose, never get sick of writing about it.It attracts readership. It is a topic close to my heart.

Look how excited I got when you said he and I very pei. Even though I knew it was probably just to humour me, I got humoured anyway.

Willingly.
Happily.

I realise I got many complaints about my blog. But Nick is the first one FIRST ONE TO SAY " BUT YOUR BLOG IS SO BORING" IN MY FACE.

To which I replied " I have utter faith in my writing" ( silently, but not in my blogskin)
Yes, I know I know. It is such a boring blogskin. Huey Sun helped me set it up like many years ago and I am still using it.

I don't know how to change blog skin mah.:(

Somebody, please offer me help in technology????

I am going to be a teacher soon.
Don't call me relief teacher or I will kill you.
I am nothing less than a real teacher, if not younger, prettier and smarter.
swallow your pui now.
I mean it!!!!!!!

I will wear nice clothes.
Take attendance.
Have students call me Teacher Tay.
Learn how to mark compos.
Talk to my students ( woohoo!)

have a little faith in me please?
I know teaching is not as easy as I think it is.
But I am sure I can make lessons interesting.
Hurray for Jingyi who told me I am going to be an interesting Chinese teacher because Chinese can be a very boring subject.

Yes.
I am going to teach Higher Chinese at Anderson Sec.:D

2006-12-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

I am currently eating milo pops soaked in milk, which I generously offered to my darling little Ning Xin.( my cousin)

She graciously gave me a middle finger.
Which I was terribly amused at.

I must have the oddest family in Singapore.
Personally, I have nothing against vulgarities. Sometimes, to convey a certain type of angsty angst, I believe that vulgarities, or by using explicit body language ( middle finger) would best carry the message across.But please, don't use it everyday. It loses its effects.

I said my first vulgar word at the age of 5.
My cousin is an early bird. She can say smelly-bb when she was 2. And now the middle finger.
Her DAD laughed at her. So did we.
My brother and I are perhaps the only lucky teenagers who didn't get slapped across the face when we hurl one or two vulgar abuses at our parents.

What we get is a more complex and longer version of the vulgarities that we hurl at them.
Shuai Di once commented " My mom is better at this than me."

Well. I am not exactly babaric am I. Haha. I use the vulgarities selectively. And definitely not in front of my friends. Oh well. Except when I wanted to scold that ew ew ew old man fuck off when he scolded me " shit you idiot". I held my cool and just HOHHHHHHH him.

Anyway, Clarence sounded terribly wounded in his message just now, because I almost always messaged him very late or don't message him at all. Fengyi kena daoed twice by me. Very sorry about that. haha.

Merry Christmas people!
I will continue my love story when I come home later. Now I have to go play:D

2006-12-23T12:40:00.000+08:00

Ming calls us his " lonely group of friends".

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee we are all NOT lonely can. We are the antithesis of loneliness.:) I enjoyed the game plus the chatting. This is what young, healthy people should do.

I went to Orchard with my church friends.

Under the bright lights and numerous number of christmas trees, I saw HIM! Has it ever occurred to you that he might be him? The immediate powerful attraction was so so strong. AHHHHH.

I wished I knew his name.
Blah.

Take your hands. Put it into the shape of a frame. Try framing a particular face among the christmas crowd. For all you know, he might be someone in your life sometime.:)

The Full House romantic stuff is infiltrating my head.

I love it when James said.

" I will be there to catch you when you fall."

( Heart beating, because I almost fell, not because I like him, dum dum) I like the stranger on the street:D

" Wah!!!! I really thought I was going to fall because my shoes are so slippery)

" Nah, Don't worry, I will still be there when you fall and catch you. haha."

This is what guys should do, you know. WALAU. WHY IS JAMES NOT MY GUY? eeks.

Not my type. In anycase girls, haha James is quite good looking , you know. If you pay me, maybe I will let you see his photo. Christie is probably sniggering when she reads this line.

Yesterday was probably my blurrest day of the year.
Vanessa messaged me regarding the outing.
It seems that I only took in what I would like to remember.

And so the words " vivocity" and " museum" stuck in my head.
Off I went to vivocity.

-_-" Turns out it was Plaza Sing.
And I was so excited about going to the museum because got ghost tour.

-_-" Turns out it was not the musuem per se.
But the movie " Night at the Musuem"

So paiseh. But I was able to laugh at my silly mistakes.
HAHA.

Ciao!

2006-12-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

Rejoice in the BLOG!
Rejoice in the BLOG!
Becos' Minsee is out of the LOG!

I was trying to rhyme.
That was a very miserable ryhme indeed.
Missed me???????
I bet. Due to many people's beckoning for me to blog, I finally succumbed to peer pressure and decided to blog.
Haha.

I miss you too Fengyi, but I never dream of you.
I will change my blogskin for the new year.
And for " shrouded fruit juice", I think your brain is too fried to come up with something so weird.
Haha.

I went out with Jiayan today.
Mission to get her to marry- Failed.
Mission to get her to have kids- Failed.
Mission to get her to be domesticated- Failed.
Mission to get her to not cohabit- Failed.

Maybe this is how I got my 4 Fs in the dream.
I certainly hope so.

Anyway, I have been REAL busy.
Which is why I am hardly online.
I can't say I don't miss blogging.
But when life is good, you forget to think and be grateful.

Thank you God for making me feel good.
Thank you God for giving me friends and family for making me feel good.

Anyway, I decided not to apply for the SPH thing.
Why I will tell you more.
Layter.

Now I am more interested in becoming a teaching.
I hope to teach delinquents.
Noone believes me.
My mom detests the fact that I am not going to teach branded schools.
I tried telling her that I am really- good with delinquent youths. I really can get into their world. No matter what, I need to give it a shot.

But it sounds better to teach at ming2 xiao4.
Ok lah. I admit. But it's not true, lest I might apply for any MOE related stuff, personally, I feel it is more impressive if I survive 6 months with bad students than 6 months with good students.

No kick.
Easy.

Smoke.
Knives.
Vulgarities.

I can handle.

Passion.
Motivation.

Yes. If not for the boyfriend part, I will definitely become a teacher.
Last I checked, the schools I applied for are filled with Shuai ges.

WAHAHAHA.

2006-12-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

I seriously am on Earth.

I've been busy trying to figure out a way to apply for jobs.
But I will take my time. I'm living on my savings currently.

My msn nick says " TAMEDE NOONE GO CHALET LE!!!!!"

Which actually reflects my mood.
I thought teenagers are meant to enjoy and not work and working are means of supporting your spending habits.

Afterall, you are going to work for the rest of your life- for as long as you live.
Say you graduate at 23 and live until 80 years old.
You would have to work for say 57 years of YOUR LIFE.
My goodness, and the majority of my classmates are already desperate enough to jump on the job wagon - and SKIP CLASS CHALET!!

I sound incredibly immature. Do not get me wrong. What I mean is all job dates are-self-fixed what!!!!!Why you all fix so early one?:(
Terribly disappointed, which made the rest of us become like slackers in comparison.

I want to come up with a list of duties to do.
But after checking with jianming, I realise (WITH HORROR) that the only ones who are confirmed going and staying over are Me, Jianming, Weiqi and Clarence and Wanqi.

HORRORS.

It's too late to postpone stuff right now.
The only optimistic thing is, according to jianming, THAT WE WILL GET TO HAVE MORE SPACE. WHAHAHAHA

2006-11-23T13:46:00.000+08:00

I just realised that I am essentially a calm person- by my standards, not by Clarence or Fengyi's standard.

Because their's is not called calm, their's is called Serene. What an odd sentence structure.

You know, the last time I heard, they get paid.
To stand there and look around.
Collect things. And nothing else!
No over-exertion. No Over-utilization of the Brain.
Why can't they be more Human?

Don't give that type of face to stressed kids ( barely 18) who are already stressed because they have to take exam and tell them that they cannot bring texts into the exam hall ( when everyone else can!)

CONFISCATED. I still have the paper right here with me to remind myself not to make the same mistake again.

" Please please, I can erase it right now. I have my eraser and correction tape."
( Frown. Buay song Face) " We are very busy right now. Go out."
" I really can, I need my books." ( Not as if my book is totally annotated, it's just that I didn't erase clean enough * thing is, I can't even read those previous writings and I'm pretty sure I sounded desperate enough.)

Thank goodness the teacher with the same surname appeared.
" XX, can you help me get those books? I need them."
( Ignored the buay song face, and asked me where my books are)
( The sharp-sighted me SAW immediately and told her " There!!!")
( She gave it to me and I left the *damned place)

In any case, I told God to help me.
I told God " oh God, please, help me I really need my books. Please let me have my books back."
A simple prayer at that. And I got my wish. I really am grateful for His Help.

Whatever William said in his poems,about how we can see Godly attributes in humans will not happen. The Oblivion for the mental state of students, the Lack of empathy, is outrageous.

Thing is, I admit we are at fault here. Not erasing the pages properly. Not reading the stupid booklet properly. How was I to know that my stars and smiley faces and my stupid " Tay Min Si" signature in the books are considered as " ATTEMPTS AT CHEATING" oh man? I'm sorry I forgot all those.

Please lei, give a bit of sympathy.
First time taking an open book exam.
The teachers said - No annotations.
No annotations what!!!!
And you give me that kind of face.
And you give me that kind of tone.
And you give me that buay song attitude.

At the end of the day, you forgot that it could be you taking the exam.
At the end of the day, you forgot that it could be your child in our positions!
At the end of the day, YOU DON'T lose anything by giving a bit of encouragement and warmth to the kids. HUH!

Kao. Next time, if I am in your position, I make sure that I am Human.
Above all, to not agitate the students ( they have a freaking exam in 2 mins) and erase those markings withour LAMENTATION.

Thank you for listening to my lamentations.

At the end of the day, I didn't use my books. Kenasai.

2006-11-22T11:06:00.000+08:00

My friend just corrected me on my tagboard that it is " The Little Black Boy" and not " The Black Boy".

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la.

Doesn't it worry you so? Yeah, says Min Si. I can't even get the name correctly. Why are you online? Because I'm sleepy? Why are you sleepy? Because I slept so much?? Why you never go and study? Because I'm bored? How much more of studyin to go? The entire stack of Gothic notes that you have to read again. And revenger's never touch. Why are you like that? Because I am impatient?

Why your friend can study til exhausted and you are like that?

___________________________________________

My cousin is cool.She is 3 and she reads I and 8 Days.

2006-11-21T00:38:00.000+08:00

It is 12 plus and I am still online. Looking at xiaxue's blog. I wonder if I am seeking death. A slow peaceful one at that -I AM SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING!!!!

In anycase, I believe that ALL Ministers of state, MP, our PM and President and all those who could make a difference to our country should read works of William Blake-particularly Songs of Innocence and Experience.

Some recommended works by him that reflect the actual situation in Singapore would be Holy thursday ( both states); The School boy ( to reflect the education system of Singapore); The Black Boy to deflect possible and existent racial problems in Singapore; London should be read by all the rich and "charitable" ones.

Some poems that should not be read ( mainly because they are boring, if you ask me, is the little girl lost/found whatever) wakau bore me to death.

Back from that digression, like I said, who ever said that Literature is useless?? It is so not useless. If I am on the " Mold the Future Leaders of the Country " committee, all the potential leaders have to take Literature all the way from sec 1. Major in William Blake. Only like that then they will even feel guilty and not "apathetic" which is what most Singaporeans are infamous for ( rubbish can).

I would also recommend a healthy dosage of Shakespeare's drama. I've only read 12th night so I haven't got a good grasp of his dramas. But anyhow, just read because he makes a lot of sense about everything.

If they are rebellious or dare rebel against the strict regime of Lit Diet, I will use elements of Gothic to haunt them. Firstly, they will be "prison'd " in a Gothic sphere inside the red room( from jane eyre) with the chopped up bodies of Victor's lab ( Frankenstein) and friends from the "charnel houses" will haunt them. Then I will ask them to drink the blood that " drips from the breast of Dracula" " The blood is the life." Kao. Damn cheesy lei.

I have gone bonkers.

Some interesting things I have discovered.

1. The japanese zhen zi is not original at all!!! It probably got it's origins from "Ligeia" written by Poe.( Edgar, not tinky winky's brother)
2. All the xiao char bor of today's world is NOTHING compared to all the xiao char bors of yesterday's world. Any woman you pick, bertha, e crazed person from the yellow wallpaper ( the story, not the song, ok!) haha.
3. Do not read ghost stories before you go to sleep. You will dream of them.
4. How come Gothic got no werewolves one???????
5. SO MANY INTERESTING TEXTS AND HWA CHONG MUST CHOOSE THAT STUPID WADS TT HOTEL DE DREAM WHICH HAS NO INFORMATION ONLINE AND I AM SO NOT ATTRACTED TO IT.

After As, I will read about the bio background of all the writers. It was rumoured that Mary shelley had a crush on william but william rejected her. kao. and byron impregnated mary's sister.

it's ok. I still have 60% of lit undone.
GOST and RT untouched.
36 more Blake poems to go. AND I HAVE 2 DAYS......
JIAYOU.

2006-11-19T16:45:00.000+08:00

I wonder quizzically to myself why all the worries and doubts hit me only a few days later.

Always A Few Days Later. Damn irritating.

It's 3 days to lit exam and all I have done is read a few pages of lit notes and NOTHING else. I few like kicking myself in th butt.

The worst thing is I realise I have misread a lot of things in my pc exam and identified the wrong techinique in the prose. What could possibly be worse than this???? That's like 0 marks or something. Furthermore, I didn't mention any dark element in my drama essay and merely said the dramatist drew a caricature of the stupid king. When the king could be just pretending to be stupid so that he does not have to care about all the serious details!!! I am So Dead for Pc.

As well as the rest of all the other exams. Oh well.

I have NO mood for the rest of the 2 when obviously the scoring parts lie in p clah!!! Dead.

2006-11-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

Whilst we are all enclosed in our respective isolated A levels shells, officially transformed into exam-taking machines, we have missed out on much current affairs in our society!!! Our very own Singapore.

So my dear friends, some on you have ended your exams today (**) while others will end tomorrow (**) while others will end on monday(**) while the 12 of us will end on friday(!!) It doesn't matter because you all still have to read about this Wee Shu Min Blog that would perhaps have an impact on all of our thinking. I truly hope that we could perhaps use it as a mirror ( for those who think like her as well) and I will have my own social commentary on it after my A levels. The wave has died down for it but can still read. haha.

From Ms WeeThursday, October 19, 2006
mom’s friend sent her some blog post by some bleeding stupid 40-year old singaporean called derek wee (WHY do all the idiots have my surname why?!) whining about how singapore is such an insecure place, how old ppl (ie, 40 and above) fear for their jobs, how the pool of foreign “talent” (dismissively chucked between inverted commas) is really a tsunami that will consume us all (no actually he didn’t say that, he probably said Fouren Talern Bery Bad.), how the reason why no one wants kids is that they’re a liability in this world of fragile ricebowls, how the government really needs to save us from inevitable doom but they aren’t because they are stick-shoved-up-ass elites who have no idea how the world works, yadayadayadayada.
i am inclined - too much, perhaps - to dismiss such people as crackpots. stupid crackpots. the sadder class. too often singaporeans - both the neighborhood poor and the red-taloned socialites - kid themselves into believing that our society, like most others, is compartmentalized by breeding. ridiculous. we are a tyranny of the capable and the clever, and the only other class is the complement.

sad derek attracted more than 50 comments praising him for his poignant views, joining him in a chorus of complaints that climax at the accusation of lack of press freedom because his all-too-true views had been rejected by the straits times forum. while i tend to gripe about how we only have one functioning newspaper too, i think the main reason for its lack of publication was that his incensed diatribe was written in pathetic little scraps that passed off as sentences, with poor spelling and no grammar.

derek, derek, derek darling, how can you expect to have an iron ricebowl or a solid future if you cannot spell?
if you’re not good enough, life will kick you in the balls. that’s just how things go. there’s no point in lambasting the government for making our society one that is, i quote, “far too survival of fittest”. it’s the same everywhere. yes discrimination exists, and it is sad, but most of the time if people would prefer hiring other people over you, it’s because they’re better. it’s so sad when people like old derek lament the kind of world that singapore will be if we make it so uncertain. go be friggin communist, if uncertainty of success offends you so much - you will certainly be poor and miserable. unless you are an arm-twisting commie bully, which, given your whiny middle-class undereducated penchant, i doubt.

then again, it’s easy for me to say. my future isn’t certain but i guess right now it’s a lot brighter than most people’s. derek will read this and brand me as an 18-year old elite, one of the sinners who will inherit the country and run his stock to the gutter. go ahead. the world is about winners and losers. it’s only sad when people who could be winners are marginalised and oppressed. is dear derek starving? has dear derek been denied an education? has dear derek been forced into child prostitution? has dear derek had his clan massacred by the government?
i should think not. dear derek is one of many wretched, undermotivated, overassuming leeches in our country, and in this world. one of those who would prefer to be unemployed and wax lyrical about how his myriad talents are being abandoned for the foreigner’s, instead of earning a decent, stable living as a sales assistant. it’s not even about being a road sweeper. these ****bags don’t want anything without “manager” and a name card.
please, get out of my elite uncaring face.posted at 12:08 PM

And here was her public apology on one of the blogs that were discussing her entry :i apologise if i have distressed you with my tendency to rant. while i will not dispute some of the points you make in response to what i have written, i would like to bring to your attention the fact that the post in question was never meant to be a cogent response to the specific points raised in derek wee’s article. it is, quite obviously, a rant in the heat of the moment. in addition, i don’t believe that my blog has the wide readership of derek wee’s, or even your own, and my intention was more to vent my own frustrations than public denouncement.
i’d also like to clarify my use of the word “elite”. while i understand how misinterpretation may have arose, i intended to use it in irony, as a label that people assume i enjoy, and not one that i take particular pleasure in.
finally, i admit that i was harsher than i should have been, although the the crux of my belief in self-improvement and self-determination has not changed. once again, i apologise if my words have unintentionally offended you - i was under the rather naive impression that nobody reads my blog

2006-11-13T10:55:00.000+08:00

I know I know.

What am I doing online? I keep getting diarrhoea so I know that I'm sub-consciously stressed again. Afterall, tomorrow is a subject that I've never done well since J1 block test 1. Which is Econs.

But I really don't know why everyone's formidable MCQ is my archilles's heel. ( don't know how to spell, don't care.)

I can't say I'm very determined to do well this time. But definitely it will have to be my utmost effort ever.

The wanting is gone. Which is really bad.

Wanting is very important.

I will just leave the results in the hands of God.

I cant say I want A means I will get A right.

Exam conditions. Freezed brain. Panick attack? Anything can happen inside the war zone.

It doesn't mean I don't understand Econs. I understand it. But hai....this is called irony plus conflict of interests...

Some people don't understand it, hate it, but still do well!!! That's called determination.

I am just not very determined.

But I'm more like resigned now.

Many people have helped me with econs. Must thank them now before I forget.

1. Zixian for being VERY VERY patient with me, she spent 4 hours once giving me a crash course on macro econs ( eternally grateful) plus explainging mcqs to me.
2. Must thank fengyi and dranice for mcqs help.
3. must thank joanne for econs notes.
4. must thank andrew even though I am still very exasperated with his sms.

Yah. And thank God for not giving me up.

2006-11-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

It feels So Strange to use the computer after so many days. I think around 40.

Today is a memorial day. I brought a lighter to school. It is purple.

To burn the school down.

Just joking.:P

To burn the math paper.

Not joking.:P

I have no mood to blog.

Eeks.

I FORGOT how to blog.

EEKs.

SoRRY fENGYI.

waste your time reading....haha.

I will make up after A levels.

And become blogomaniac.

2006-10-08T17:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the most trying day of my life I tell you.
It was so horrifying that I actually contemplated death.
Even I myself was worried for me.

Early in the morning, I took out my math notes to read. And started puking incessantly all the stuff I ate and had diarrhoea. Then I thought it was phobia! As is cued, the haze started getting stronger and I aligned my future to it.

I started thinking that First I would fail my A levels.
Not get into local university and killing myself.
Jump down from the 12th floor.
And starting crying hysterically and frowning.

My mom was so worried. She thought I was going mad.

I also. Then I wanted to vomit again. And have diarrhoea. And slept because I was so tired from all the induced emotion commotion.

Freaked out man I tell you.
Never in my 18 years of life I experienced that.

Thank Goodness Clarence called me to scold me then I woke up a bit.
And then I continued worrying about my future till I fell asleep.

This morning Siok analysed and thought I had depression.
So did I.

I thought I vommitted due to stress.
This morning, my favorite doctor once again informed me that : You have gastirc flu, not stress. People don't vomit from stress!!!! And laughed for a good 30 seconds.

I have decided. In the event should anything bad happen for the near future ( touch wood)

1. You all are PROHIBITED from asking me my grades, or how did I do, unless I tell you myself, on the day when A level results are released.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to ask me why I cry, if I do.
3.You should not even come near me, unless I tell you to.
4. If you don't see me in university, DON'T ASK me why.

Ok. enough of that, because I will see you there.
Shall not worry.

2006-10-05T18:03:00.000+08:00

I need a closure ok.

Miracles can always happen. Always. Never pray ceasing.

Slow and steady wins the race. I shouldn't rush. I am panicking way too much. The stakes are high and I won't jeaopardise my chances with my constant worrying, incessant stress and panick attacks. It's just not worth it.

Of course, I have to thank my sweet and thoughtful friends.

Mainly, Miss Wee for the wonderfully sweet and encouragin letter and cd.
Ms Lee for little tots sweet and constant encouragement plus joy in my life.:D
Mr Oh for the big nice sun flower.
Mr Lee for the withstanding of my constant bugging him.
And many more friends for their words of encouragement.

Haha.

I realise I should be less uptight. My uptightness is like obstructing me. I should really cool it.

A post-mortem of my prelim grades. They are macarbe. Disgusting and horrendous.
However, after letting it affect me for so many days, I have finally gotten over it. I think.
Embarking on my chioing journey. Now is a bit slow. But picking up speed.

From worst to best, ok?:D

Of course, Math lah. Big fat F. Lack of practice plus panick attacks and lack of aptitude for math.
I hope dilligence and resilience pays off. I am not even expecting an A.

Econs- O. eeks. MCQ slaughtered me. Lack of understanding killed me. Incoherence during exam made me die. But this subject, I am sure can be revived. Even if not very well, I hope won't be very bad.

Lit- D. I like this subject and is willing to work for it.

Lep- B. Haha. All the memory parts died.I shall memorise till I can think about it everywhere I go.

In the end, I will just pray everything turns out fine.
I truly am not greedy for 4As because that is not possible.

I just want something that will help me to enter the course I want in university.
Miracles can happen.

Work it, gal:D

2006-10-03T20:29:00.000+08:00

If one day I am going to marry someone, it has got to be someone like Mr Teh.

Definitely not like Mr Tan. Because not only will he scare students, he will scare girls. With his unfortunate sense of humour.

And overly enthusiastic in helping kiasu people who so did not fail econs Like I did.

Why Mr Teh?

I was looking at my unfortunate Lep grade ( not that unfortunate la i got quite good for non-studiable parts:D) and he came over and looked with me.

And asked :" why lep post your grades on the board....not very good right..."

I said" no choice".

He stood there as if waiting for me to do something.

Which I did. I cried.

Walau. My heart is so brittle and weak these days I become like something from the sea.

Then he talked to me. And he said I look stressed. I am stressed and I should relax a bit more. He told me it's ok if I can't do maths now. I will do it eventually. He told me to be strong and can't break down now. Because my over nervousness will be akin to like running before the race even started and get disqualified. I really will zhen zuo. I mean I am zhen zuoing now.

The typical him shared his JC story whereby he insisted on studyin history and not other subjects. But his stakes were higher. Because if he failed his AO math, he can't even go uni. And he almost couldn't- he got a c6. haha. I laughed at that.

I am glad that he pretended as if I was not crying. I sincerely didn't want to cry but I had all these uncertainty and fears swelling all the way up to my eyes that I just had to let go some way. I really am not crying over spilt milk. I really am just concern about my future now.

Well. You know, I've been rethinking about being a teacher.
Because years later, in some jc or place, there will be a stressed out and overly-anxious Minsee type student who needs the help of Ms Tay.

I will teach English and Lit.

Not math lah. haha. later my students all fail.

2006-10-03T00:35:00.000+08:00

Minsee is energetic.

Andrew is scary.

Lim is?

Lindy is :D

Fengyi is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzmozzieeeeeeeeeeeee

he is...............................

I miss weiqi after one day.

Not going to come online anymore.:D

2006-10-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

I knew that going to church was a wise decision. Not that I intend to skip it but it really felt great to dwell in God's santuary.

Sometimes I do feel ashamed that new Christians can quote the bible a lot better than I can.

From Yin hou came Psalm 85:12 12 The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.

From Lindy came James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

From God came psalm 85:12 and James 1 :D

I will not be defeated.
I fall only to rise again.:)

I mean, I once read somewhere that God only gives you the amount He Thinks you can take.
As logical as it may seem, sometimes I wonder, oh God, why give me so much?
Maybe He thinks I am very capable.:D

From Church friends came words of encouragement. Was highly touched that Justin in his absolute silence during the week that I shared Word paid utmost attention and shared the same story with his Dad. Wahaha. Thank you Christie, for your gentle attitude with me. And thank you the rest of church for the incessant patience with the horrible me. And I must thank God, because maybe he is giving me a chance to be His testimony.

I can only feel my faith and strength going for zero to a lot.

From Close friends came words of encouragement too.:D Daily checks of are you feeling ok today? It's good to cry to let out your frustration. Take care. I wish some who didn't would do it too. Haiya. Sometimes I am just too greedy. Thank you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you.

Must even thank Ms Li because due to her lack of experience with bawling 18 years old girls, she messaged me today and told me I will be fine and asked to see me tomorrow at 10 am. I need adult authority to calm me down.

Love my parents really. Their curtailing of tv time. Kinder to me.

Even the dust in my room seem a whole lot lesser now.

I should not get too worried.
It's all there. I just need to find 1. my confidence back.

I realise what zixian said is very true. My mind was like blocked for 1 year plus due to my many attempts of saying " I suck at this." Now, they seem to have cleared because I wrote " I am smart" on my board.

I don't fear math and mcq much more. Because I am a lot more calm today. Though sleepy.
With no expectation, maybe I will perform better.
Sometimes I just try overly-hard.
Maybe I should just relax a little.
It should be fine.

Ode to Taysi.

2006-09-30T21:24:00.001+08:00

I tried seeking help from one friend.

Who then recommended me to another friend.

Ok.

I bawled like a kid today. Haiya. In front of Ms Li somemore.

A couple of reasons to my unstoppable crying.

1. A friend was like impatient when she taught me math:( I can't help it if I cannot remember:(. Then I got reminded of the sinda kids that we teach( all em3s) and she would behave the same way.

2. I messaged my math teacher. Who didn't reply me.

3. I messaged my econs teacher. Who said " need to change new one!" in my request to ask for his opinions on my results.

4. It was raining.

5. I am lacking in faith.

6. The inability to tell my parents is burdening me.

7. I don't have confidence in myself.

8. I feel guilty for missing out on church stuff.

To the extent that I cried myself to sleep for 2 hours.
Alone in my room.
Almost couldn't breath.
And was terribly worried God would get angry.

I prayed and prayed and asked for His help.

I will continue to do so.

2006-09-30T21:24:00.000+08:00

2006-09-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

Ok. Cannot drown in split milk. What's done cannot be undone. But heng what is done is considered not done.

I will not despair.
Many tell me my problems can be solved.
This is my plan.

Econs: MCQ psychological problem, always rush through, panick and don't think clearly.
Always go in with the mentality " I can't do it. I suck at mcqs"
Always think that I don't have enough time.
Everything becomes messed up in my brain the moment I see the questions.
Remedy: Practise everyday for 1 hour under exam condition.
Mr Tan is my God-father because he will clear my doubts now.
I must tell myself " I can do it. I RULE at mcqs." Just ABCD what. What's the big deal.
Dra will help. She's good at mcq.

Mathematics: Panick attack 1 hour into the paper. Always write "I am stupid" on my papers.
No confidence in myself. Need more practise. Some concepts still a bit blur.
Always think that HC papers are undoable. It's so not true.
Remedy: Practise everyday/ Indeed. I don't believe I am stupid and brainless. Pray everyday.
Do papers every 2 days under exam condition. Memorise formulas everyday since I
always end up with NO FORMULAS in my head when I go in. In my papers got many
remarks are like "wrong formula" or "where's the formula?"Lindy will help.

Literature: Once again. Always have diarrhoea before. Because it is called "unseen". Despite
that, it is my favourite subject.Sometimes I narrate.
Remedy: See more.I don't really panick. Try to analyse all!!!!

LEP: It's a subject that time and effort must be committed. I have a natural tendency to write MANY wrong words. Kenasai. Arrogance betrays me because I thought I wrote them correctly.
Terrible memory.Not only short term, but 0 term. It's what we call goldfish memory. How to memorise things??????

Remedy: Consistency is the key. Everyday also must do some.

This is IT MAN.
WAR IS ON.
I AM NOT STUPID.
I WILL MAKE THE EXAM FEES WORTH THE MONEY.
MY PARENTS WILL BE HAPPY.

Oh God, everything depends on you now. DOn't give up on me, please.

2006-09-28T17:17:00.001+08:00

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I cannot believe it. Even my own orbituary said I'm king kong.
That was courtesy of Clarence's blog.

I don't know whether I should cry or laugh at my mcq grade.
I see already I feel like dying.

People tikum can pass.
I tikum fail like mad.
I have no idea why I always panick and rush through.

Maybe my head is like empty or what?
Mcq sucks.

Somemore kena name called out.
How embarassing is that?
I try to overlook that.

My friends have been kind enough not to remind me of that fact.
Thank you.

If I tell you my mcq grade, you will laugh until you topple over. And smack the floor many times. It actually pulled me down by 2 whole grades. I cannot believe it. So idiot. So So SO freaking idiot.

That's it/ I will not be bothered by it ever again.

2006-09-28T17:17:00.000+08:00

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

2006-09-27T20:02:00.000+08:00

I failed my maths again.
I do feel like a failure.

I really do feel helpless.
What more can I do?

Pui.
Don't lie to me ok.

I hate it when people lie to me.

2006-09-27T00:21:00.000+08:00

I can't help but worry.

I still haven't see a doctor. I thought I'm ok le. Until I started having weird coloured excrement. Now I am spooked. Weird stomach plus weird shit. This is dead.

It can't be possibly stress, right?
Hai. It appears that I must see my doctor to destress myself tomorrow. Nowadays, see doctor really tamade expensive. :(

I am very afraid to get sick.
There is this weird culture in my family- we are scared to get sick. Because my uncle died from being sick.

Once one enters the op theatre, it seems almost destinied that he or she will die. It's like a pre-gate to death or something.

Death itself is not daunting.
It's more like sick to death that is scary.

Sigh.

Suddenly all types of scary thoughts flash across my mind.

What if it is Liver cancer>>>>> I asked my friends, but they say I don't have yellow face.
What if it is once again, my greatest feared diabetes?????
Or, Stomach cancer?
Gastric cancer.
Hai, as I am speaking, the stupid computer is bombarding me with all the radio waves that can cause me cancer!!! So is the stupid phone that hangs around me. Do you know that by putting an egg and a handphone inside the same water, the egg can can actually be cooked!!!! By the radio waves!!!!

I guess I should have more faith in God:D

I still have a hearty appetite.
I sleep well.
My weight is not decreasing all of a sudden.

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?????

My dad says he will bring me to doctor tomorrow. Hopefully it's going to cost less than $40. Stupid doctors. Why can't they practise price discrimination>????? My parents have a hard time earning money, can????

I can't afford to get sick in this country. It's too expensive.:(

2006-09-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

This time, I am going to rely entirely on God.
I promise myself that.
There is only so much I can do- but with God, I can do much more.

I promise I won't cry when I see all my shit grades.
I promise I won't feel sad for too long when I see my grades.
I promise to treat all the remedial sessions with enthusiasm and zeal.
I promise I will only come online once a week.
I promise I won't use stress as an excuse to eat a lot.
I promise I will do all the practices that I don't like, i.e. Econs mcq tys, math tys and duan ping.

I must tell myself prelim is to scare me.
I must prepare for the worst.
I must not keep thinking how little time I have left.
I must keep thinking how to make the best use of my time.

For the next 36 days to come, I will give it my all.
I pray that God will give me intelligence and motivation and a clear mind to do all my work.
I will not sleep late.
I will live my life to the fullest.
I will not despair.
I will not despair.
I will not despair.

I will not despair.

2006-09-25T00:44:00.000+08:00

One day, I am going to do a parody on the ongoings of my school. A video of sorts. It's going to be fun! Inspired by a video which was a parody on Bsb's " I want it that way." I thought it was horribly funny.

My shuai di ( my girl friends coined up this new term for handsome younger brothers) just encouraged me in his own special way! Haha. Jie jie here is very touched.

Shuai Di( in a very act macho way): Cheh, when is your A levels huh?
Taysi( in my usual panicky way): Coming soon. Jialat lah. I'm not ready.
Shuai Di: Haiya no need worry one. This stupid boy from my bball team Damn stupid also can get 3 As for A levels.
Taysi: huh. really meh. My grades are so lousy I will be happy to get 2.
Shuai Di: Really lah. He's from Aj one. I think he damn stupid. So wanted to laugh at him when he tell me his stupid grades. I suspect he all fail lah. Walau tamade. Later I cannot laugh ah! He get 3 As. Tamade. * my bro likes to use some mild vulgarities to bring across his ideas.
Taysi: Zhen de mah. His Gp lei?
Shuai di: tamade. he cannot speak english lah. mine is better.
Taysi : ok. I feel a lot better.
Shuai di: tamade, you can gan4 diao4 the A levels one. Don't worry.
Taysi: * never reply and smiled all the way while the brother went to bathe.

Times like this, I think my brother is God-sent.
Of course, when I cut up his clother, I think he's the spawn of devil.
Shuai di is really an endearing brother.
His birthday is coming...Maybe I should get him something? But his taste is damn damn expensive.

2006-09-23T16:03:00.000+08:00

Hai.

I think I have stomach cancer!!

Symptoms of Stomach Cancer.
indigestion that does not go away
losing your appetite
losing weight
a bloated feeling after eating
nausea and vomiting
blood in the stools or black stools
epigastric (mid abdomen) pain or discomfort

I am definitely not losing weight.
My appetite is better than ever.
I don't think I have indigestion.
I don't feel bloated.
I haven't vomitted, though sometimes I feel like vomitting.
I do not have blood in my stools.
Nor do I have black stools.
I do not have pain.

I think my stomach just feels weird.
Or is it psychological?
I don't know.
But my mom says I have cancer.
Her friend's daughter, only 16, has 3rd stage stomach cancer.
Fatter than me.
Hai.
How?
I shall go jog.

2006-09-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

I just realised my friend has been giving me a lot of emoicons in our msn conversation lately.

Man, I really am very happy you are accomodating...with the evil me .haha. But Christie is right... I shouldn't force on people what I think is right, and what I like...

So, do as you please! Even though I really am happy. Haha.

I don't want people to be displeased with me. More than after not, while I am upholding my right to freedom of speech and expression, I comprimise on friendship, relationship.

Kenasai. Even though I expect what sort of reaction/ effects,I still do it. It is exactly like the Prophet Muhammad caricature thing. You know it will be bad, but you still do it.

Just to test the waters.

Meanwhile, my friend, don't be mad at me, I beseech you.
I am not angry, nor am I pissed. But merely my pettiness overides the usual rational me.

It truly is what I believe in.
But, there are different approaches to life I guess, and your approach is different from mine.
And what you believe in is correct in its own special way.
It's marvellously sweet too.:)

Cell was so painful just now.
I am so horrible at it.
Even I bore myself while at it.
Pains me that some not paying me a little bit attention..
Even pretending to look at me would have felt better.

But then, it's all for God. Not for me. I must obey Him.
My friend, I wish you happiness. I wish you tearless days, tearless years ahead. And even when you tear, they will be tears of happiness.Don't worry, because even when the sky falls, I will be there to help you support the sky.:)

I mean, when I cry in front of you, it means I trust you.
It means I trust you enough to not tell others that I cried.
Crying itself is not shameful; rather, it is private. Ok, by telling others, you are breeching of the invisible pact that we have.

Don't do it again.
It pains me.

I will pray for thee.
May God bless thee.

Happiness befalls all Minsee's precious darling friends.

2006-09-22T14:16:00.000+08:00

actions speak louder than words

-Word messages – what we say – account for 7% of what people believe.

-Tone of voice messages – how we say it – account for 38% of what is believed.

-Non-verbal messages – what is seen – account for an incredible 55% of what a listener will believe.
from www.christian.com

I really have to keep this in mind.
90% of the time I just talk so much, I fail to remember whatever I said and end up not practising what I preached. Thing is, actions truly speak louder than words. Why am I just so lazy to do more stuff?

Ralph Waldo Emerson said the same thing with different words many years ago. “What you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say.”

Intelligent man.

2006-09-21T22:42:00.000+08:00

http://singabloodypore.blogspot.com/

Click on the video of the protest( not strike) that Dr Chee organized.
It made me think a lot.
About where we stand as a nation. From the eyes of a Singaporean.

My australian friend Ben told me once that democracy itself can never be achieved, it is beautiful no doubt; but the true beauty lies in the fact that humans are always in pursue of it, forever and ever and that's where the satisfaction lies in.

The whole notion of Democracy is very beautiful. As the wall behind the political structure of a any country, I imagine it to create a wonderful place where people get to breathe freely, without Big Brother breathing down their necks 24/7.

You know. Free Market. Freedom of speech. Equality to a certain extent.I searched dictionary.com for the literal meaning and this is what I got:

1.government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.

2.a state having such a form of government: The United States and Canada are democracies.

3.a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.

4.political or social equality; democratic spirit.

5.the common people of a community as distinguished from any privileged class; the common people with respect to their political power.

I mean seriously speaking, do you think America as the most democratic place that we know is truly democratic? Seriously, what is democracy? Do you even care about what type of political structure your country is enforcing upon?

I really am worried about Singapore.
In a country where the population stands at 4 million, only a handful bothers about ideals.
The thing is, I am worried about them because whatever they are doing certainly does not have an impact on the system. The action itself is portrayed to be juvenile.

In fact, if I had not surfed the net, I would not have known nor realised what really happened during the supposed "strike" that Dr. Chee organized.
I mean, you know, online they call him an international hero, but I think, in our eyes, his "heroic" sense has degraded to that of a mad person.
His idealistic calls for "Democracy Now" and " Freedom" are seen by people as laughable ideals.
Why is this so? Why is the local print media painting such a ludicrous picture of him?

What exactly happened?
Is he truly mad?
Or is the local news painting a pseudo reality of him?
Or rather, why? Who?
Or is there some hidden conspiracy?
We wouldn't know, would we.

We know more about Thailand's politcal situation than our own. Isn't it ironic?

It's so unfair.
The local newspapers are powerful tools. For every single piece of article, there is different alternative views to it. It does not paint reality, it paints the reality through the eyes of the journalist, through the eyes of the authority controlling the journalist. In a sense, there will never be an unadulterated view of reality, there will never be truth. We are merely interpreting whatever someone is writing, interpreting.

Ok, that was some digression about local media. Poosh.
Despite the fact that I do not agree with some of the things that local media do, I have to concur on the fact that I think Dr Chee is not an " international hero" too.
More like a "jia chou wai yang" Singaporean rebel.
Hello lah, going overseas to complain about your own country is not a very smart way of achieving the agenda that you want , can?
Making yourself bankrupt is not a very smart way of fighting against authority, can?

Don't get me wrong, I am not against whatever he's doing.
I am just against the means with which he is trying to achieve.
At least he cares.

Haha.My review of the video would be that, it has painted an alternative view of what local media is trying to portray. Instead of telling me how much time is spent checking whether there are bombs on garbage truck. This is what i need! This is FOOD FOR THOUGHT! THIS WILL BRING LIFE TO THE POLITICAL SCENE OF SINGAPORE. If there is one in the first place. Haha.

The scene where the police women surrounded Dr Chee's sister scared me.
For dear's sake, that thin woman looked physically vulnerable, can she have the ability to hurt you? Does she have the ability to tell everyone to strike? No? Because we are all so scared that we will be caught up and locked in jail?

Don't mean that she is weak in the mind.
You can tell from her eyes that she is seriously standing up for what she believes in.

Haiya, like I always say, stand up is stand up,
But the way you stand up is very very important.
Don't stand up crooked, don't tuo2 bei4.
Must stand up straight.

If not people not only think you su gu. They send you to wooden bridge.

2006-09-21T20:31:00.000+08:00

if only everything remained the way it was

Several times today I felt like crying.
Pitter-patter. Pitter-Patter.
Like raindrops scrolling down the window pane.
Forever stuck and yet it tries to roll down.

My tears are up there.
Trying to unleash itself.

Why the sudden flush of emotions?
I realise for a split second-I actually miss Bp.

I miss Cai Laoshi's " Ni men bu ke yi zhe yang de lei."
I miss Mr Ng's " Taeee......Keeee Ouuuuuttt yoooouurrrr PPPPOOOOtractor..."
I miss Ms Tay and her relaxed posture.
I even miss Chiam Chiam's calling me " Taysi"
Yinhou calling me fei gui.
how we used to oggle at the Phillipino nurses who always wrap themselves with a towel and display their unfortunate figures to us.
how yaowei used his finger to poke my tiger balm and i chased after him in the school.
how joanna and i used to go to lot 1 after school to hang out.
how lindy and joan used to run down the familiar route home to chase after 302.
how hongli, me and liyana and joyce and rayna used to chiong to school and insist on running even though we might still be late.

how days in Bp were the days i really learnt lessons on life.

SOB.

Cai laoshi is really nice to me.
Everytime I return to see her, she will put her hand over my shoulder and give me a semi hug, and tell me in the most affectionate way, " Eh. Wo zhen de hen xiang ni de lei. Kan dao ni wo hen kai xin."(I really miss you, seeing you make me really happy."

So much better than that shit-face, ass-kissing, coporate climbing, gayish, shorty-2 shoes teacher. Shall not mention his name, lest I get into trouble again, because this time. It really is personal attack.

That aside, Cai laoshi is my absolute favourite Chinese teacher in the entire world.
Noone in Hc, or my primary school can compare to her.
The words she said to me sunk deep into my heart.
I took Chinese partly because I really miss her.

Coming back to BP is like a sojourn I need to take.
I need this spiritual walk down my memory lane, to revitalize what everything meant to me.
What everything meant to me. What everything means to me. What everything will mean to me.

God is great. Everything was not pre-arranged. A call from Ms Neo and I was down there.
Thank you, God.

Cai laoshi gave me some really good advice on what course not to take in uni.
Something she said really touched me when I told her I aspire to be a journalist.
" Ni ke yi de lei. Wo hai man xin shang ni de wen bi. Bu cuo bu cuo."( you can do it. i really quite appreciate/admire your style of writing.Not bad Not bad"

It feels damn good to have a person compliment you on something that means so much to you. Thank you Cai laoshi.

Mr Ng looked really happy when I told him to take care of himself.
Told him to exercise, told him to take care of his heart.
Told him to take care.

Despite the fact that I ended my sec 4 year horribly, I refuse to pay attention to that. I refuse to let all my beautiful memories of my alma mater be smeared by that one miserable heroic thing I did. Haha. I insist on saying heroic.

I truly love my school. I love my teachers. I love my friends.

Because of this journey I have taken, I feel the immense need to just do something worthwhile for my school. To just bring the little amount of glory I can bring through such a small mean. Even if it is small, I know I have tried. I know years down the road I won't regret. I know I can tell my teachers it's because of them I am what I am, my success are all credited to them.

I have to do this.
I have to erase memories of my previous failure.
I have to focus.
I have to work hard,put in more effort.
I know I am so much more than this.
I am so much more than this irresponsible, miserable, petty, idiotic, inferior person that I am today.
I have to create something I can call a success.
It is what I owe my God, my parents, my teachers.

I may be a fleeting ship in their lives,
But i definitely would not want to be a broken worthless ship,
I want to be the most majestic looking ship they've ever seen.

I want my teachers to be happy for me.
I don't want them to be worried for me.
I don't want to cry tears of remorse and regret.
I want to cry tears of joy,
I want to tell Mr Tan proudly" Mr Tan, thank you for your concern and your help"
I want to tell Ms Neo I really like her, and she really helped me a lot.

They can only do so much.
All things else falls heavily upon me.
I only have a month left to correct my mistake.
To erase the earthly shame that will remain earthly but still important for my earthly life.

You could have felt more you know.
For me?
Your reaction was disappointing.
Could have felt more?

2006-09-21T20:14:00.000+08:00

don't be mean to the host.

My friends came over to my house yesterday.

As usual, something will go wrong if too many people come to my house.
I would either say something wrong, or become very irritated because they said something wrong.

Of course, maybe they don't realise it that they said something wrong.
But I know when I am saying something wrong because either their faces would reveal it, or it sounded so wrong that even I myself would realise it.

So many things went wrong yesterday.
But I can say I tried really very hard.

I woke up early to clean and pack my room.
Only to get myself allergic and suffered for the rest of the day.
And have person inform me that my room is "dusty."
Hai. This type of thing don't need to tell me I also know.
A bit hurt.

I did not try to cheat.
Because I really have mahjong at home.:(
It's just that the box that contained the mahjong set wouldn't budge.
My toe was smashed by it anyway.

My mom and gran were kind of disappointed that the sun2 kueh they made remained untouched by my friends. Haha, we ended up eating them for dinner and breakfast.

And I really tried to come up with new ways to entertain.
I really did.
Least my guests could have done was to make the host feel a little better?
Not sighing and have exasperated comments.

Don't make the host feel bad.:(
Because she really felt horrendous.

That her room was dusty.
That the food she recommended was not nice.
That she was really cutting with her remarks because she felt bad.

And one person didn't even say thanks.
Conveniently forgot.

It's not that I really gian4 the thanks.
I just think it's basic courtesy?

I mean one hand cannot cause an applause.
I was kind of peeved.
At least the other said thanks and convinced me that she had fun.

You can at least delude me you know.
I can always try better.

Man, what a petty entry.

Haha.
But I do enjoy having friends over.
More life and noise.
And company.

Feel free to come over again.
Anyday you can tolerate the miserable allergic me.

2006-09-20T00:38:00.000+08:00

IMF.

I asked my mom a very serious question today.
" Mummy, what's so good about the IMF people coming to Singapore?"

" All I can see is......
1. Stringent Checks of Rubbish Trucks. 15 Minutes per garbage truck. ps. if I am terrorist, also don't dare to come and bomb Singapore.
2. Kookoo policeman who stand guard at so many places that they went koo koo already. They see weiqi and I and shooed us away. I waved back at them.:)
3. Singaporeans become Japanese as they bow 175 degrees at non-existent customers- because Suntec was virtually empty.
4. A waste of local screentime of news- 15 minutes on IMF 10 minutes ads and 5 minutes " news."
5. You dao me, ok lah, i don't want come. Naninani poopoo- Civil rights group with a :P
6. Many flowers. Many art pieces along orchard roads.
7. A gian4 beng3 country.Damn gian2."

Mymmy said very seriously," Hen duo qian2 mah, 16000, 1 person stay in one hotel room, 1 night 300, stay for one week then ho sie liao."

True. That's the only good thing I can think up of.

International avenue to showcase our country?
You got it wrong la.
We need more than 4 million smiles.
There are decayed teeth that needs to be fixed.

The Devil Wears Prada.:D

2006-09-18T16:26:00.000+08:00

I realise I am a very extreme person.

When I have queaziness and diarrhoea, it does not occur to me that I have food poisoning or maybe just stress.

It immediately occured to me that I have stomach cancer.

Why like that?

It is how I see cramps and weight gain as signs of diabetes.
When frequent urination and ants in your pee are the obvious ones.

And how my doctor often gets really amused by my analysis of my medical condition.
He insists that I have none.
While I insist that I have a lot.

I mean, my brain is literally fried by my computer and Handphone every single day, minute.
I eat sweet that can kill me.

But perhaps, sometimes I am so engrossed in the crude truth of reality that i tend to neglect that there is always someone up there looking after me.
Or maybe like yulaoshi said, if you "Gu4 Ben3" and your "ben3" meaning innate health is really good and stable, even if you eat 1 gallon of sweet sugar a day, nothing can penetrate you.

I am disgusted with Gost. It is making my diarrhoea worse than ever.

2006-09-17T21:16:00.000+08:00

My parents bought the Worker's Party's Paper today.

It was quite a good read I must say and that Angmohish looking Brandon Seow is as good looking as flowers perched on the branches. Shuai.

They encouraged people to join and my darling parents said to me, join if you want.
I looked at them with raised eyebrows and said, Will it make a difference if I joined?

I have a lot of proposals.

If you guys have time, please read this week's Newsweek. The coverage on Japan's potential leader Shinzo Abe was quite a good read, and if you are interested in Japanese affairs, it would definitely enrich your knowledge.

I wish there is this subject called Politics and A level.

Maybe it can substitute for Math or even Econs.

Sometimes it pains me to see how well everything is going for other people, and not me? That why am i so burdened ? Why am I slow inadequate in handling earthly things, like exams? Why am I so irresponsible? Why am I so lazy? I would only have 44 days after the last day of prelims to solve my earthly problem.

May God bless me.

2006-09-16T13:49:00.000+08:00

"You were writing sentences on your paper"
" Do you think you can get 20 marks?"
- Clarence Lee from HCI 15/9/2006

I have never laughed so hard in my life. In my head, in my heart, aloud, silent.
My laughter serenaded me.

The above comment " You were writing sentences on your paper" by Mr Lee was made after our examination yesteday. It wouldn't be all that weird if I was doing a Lit paper, or a GP paper or an Econs paper. Because, the aim of these papers would be to write many sentences.

However, it is Not a language, nor a humanities, nor a Social Science subject- it is Mathematics. I was writing sentences on my Math exam script. Not Numbers. Not graphs.Not alphabet. But numbers.

You are not supposed to write so many sentences for a Math paper.

As you can see, the only laughable point about the aforementioned incident wouldn't be that I didn't do my math paper but write many sentences, but also that Mr Lee was so free that he had time to look around and saw what I was doing.

It is afterall the infamous Hc math paper.

"Do you think you can get 20 marks?"
1. I was desperately trying to " collect" 20 marks.
2. I do not think so, because I wrote many many sentences and not numbers>:)
3. I couldn't even understand the questions. They looked foreign.

I was the first to go to the toliet.
Because I had spasm in my hands, spasm in my butt and spasm in my leg.They were shaking uncontrollably because I've never had a worse paper in my entire 18 years of life.

I would be happy to "collect" 5 marks.

One day, you Science people should really come to an Arts Class to take a look during Math. It is really an interesting sight.

In any case, I have come to resigned to the fact that I will never pass a single Hc math,
That does not mean I am going to fail A levels.
Because the shit has now been scared out of me.

That would be the aim of the prelims.
I have been warned.
I am scared.
Thank you, my beloved school, teachers and many more.

I would not drop Math, not even if you point a knife to my head.
Because, I have come to realist that this stupid subject is out to kill me.
I would not be defeated by you, you stupic logic-filled anal, demoralizing, subject. You are the ass, not me.

I would not allow my children if I have any to come to HC.
They would go to AC because, I like the uniform and the culture there.
Chinese? I can teach them myself.

Noone should come to this school.

2006-09-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

I only have 2 minutes to blog.

Very tight time. But I have planned what to write in my sleep.

I cannot understand why I must sleep for at least 1.5 hours after every single freaking stupid exam.

Tomorrow is econs. My weakest link the mcq. hAI. I don't have CONCEPT. All my character analysis tell me that I am not a very conceptual person.

Jialat.
Needless to say, lep remains collecting dust on my paper.

I don't even know I should waste my time trying to save math because I don't know anything about paper 2. Since I wasted time on Paper 1 and still couldn't do it. What for go for something you didn't try for and you know you won't succeed.

Might as well make myself less miserable.

Thing is, if i miss math, I can't go for lep. or can? SHould I lie to my doctor that I have diarrhoea or gastric pain? Which is ludicrous because I have never lied to my doctor before because we enjoy a mutual trying relationship.

This is so so damn freaking irritating.

Also, I think the IMF thing is a waste of screen time on local news.
1. We don't have news already, so don't tell me how much time you spent checking the garbage truck for bombs.
2. I would not like to know how bad the traffic situation is due to the road that is closed.
3. I have never seen a demonstration in my entire life before and I would like to see one but I cannot because they are prohibited in Singapore. My peaceful homeland. This is home truly.
4. I am astounded that a primary school kid actually wrote a poem to denounce his president Tan Ah Bian.

I wonder if he really knows what's happening.
Because in my country, even 17 years olds kids don't know the name of our prime minister.

ok.

2006-09-12T19:34:00.000+08:00

Jialat. My whole brain is filled with the idea of escaping on friday.

I want to.
But I don't know how to.

I will just go in and doodle again.
I am not giving up on myself.
Not giving up on A levels.

Just Hwachong math:D

I NOT STUPID LAH.

THE MATH PAPER IS THE STUPID ONE.

Done.:D

2006-09-11T18:49:00.000+08:00

Today was so bad.

Bad. At least I had all my friend's comforts.

I feel like a em3 kid in an em1 school.

I never knew how it feels like to actually be the cushion at the bottom. Now I do.

I told myself right before Math- I will not panick. I will not panick. It still came anyway.

I counted 10 "I am stupid" on my math exam script.

4 Wan Dan le.

2 Wo zhen shi bai.

Wei she me wo zhe me ben?

and 1 huge mega big I will fail on the top of the paper.

Thank you, you, you, you and you.

It really isn't supposed to be that hard because I do recognise some of the questions. I just can't think. As in couldn't think. As in didn't know how to think. That's how bad it was.

Maybe I really am just stupid.

Hongli said it's phobia.
Siok says I'm burned out.

I think it's just stupidity.

They should have streamed me to em3, technical stream and not make me feel so weird.

STUPID LAH.

2006-09-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

I have never felt so misplaced before.

Nothing is done.
Nothing will be done before prelims.

Oh my goodness.
I prayed twice in 1 hour.

Prayer works. I memorised some incredible stuff in 1 hour.
Thank you God.

Give me more strength.
I'm so weak now.

Like creeping veil clinging onto You for strength.
Help.

2006-09-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

Every single day I would paste a note on my door : " mummy, wake me at 7. thanks."

Everday without fail, she won't wake me up.

Her reason: You won't wake up even if I call you.

Thanks lah Mummy, now I lose 5 hours everyday by sleeping in late.

I'm actually not as pissed off as I sound. Because I plan to die for XX exam. But for YY, i plan to live, survive and triumph.

Easier said than done.

However, instead of my usual 9 or 10 I woke up at 8. Kind of proud of myself.

I just wish I hate sleeping.

Can I not sleep? And just keep studying. No.

Afterall, I will have time to sleep FOREVER when I am dead.

Why sleep now?

Only so I won't get sinus in the morning>:(

I awoke to panick attack.

2006-09-04T21:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO FENG YI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps: sorry...ur surprise a bit flop. thanks to everyone and anyone. Hhaha. but we will make it up! I promise.
wEIQI AND I both agree that the picture of the cake looked like it was taken by Getty Images.
So who's the amazing photog? Me lah.:D
My Baby Girl.....buay tahan. so cute and pretty.
Of course, the jie jie is not bad as well.
The most blissful picture I have ever seen.

2006-08-29T16:12:00.000+08:00

I'm online not because I am slacking.
I'm online because I am anxious.

My heart was racing so fast that I have to leave my studying table to blog for awhile before getting back to my studying.

I can feel it again!
The excitement, adrenaline rush that I have not felt for months ! Previously in Hwachong, I've only felt resignation and pessimism, but God saved the day, I feel on tenterhooks now, as if I've been eating truckloads of steroids.

However, because of this stupid anxiety spell, my heart has been racing non-stop, I keep getting diarrhoea( my mom thinks it's the overdue bread I ate). I have lost 1.5 kg due to lao sai already.

Rather impressive, eh?

Maybe I should continue lao saing all the way until A levels then I will look really nice in my prom dress.

I'm just so psychotic.

2006-08-27T13:02:00.000+08:00

http://www.msnusers.com/LastDayofSchoolinHC05A12/

Click on the above link for all the pictures taken on 25/8/2006 and Geyao:D

Rock on. There are some comments on the pictures remember to look at them.

You all should be glad I did this because Moi is not feeling well at all. Her legs are numb and painful and her stomahc hurts and she got headache.

2006-08-21T16:25:00.001+08:00

Can anyone be more handsome than him?
Can anyone be more charming than him?
Can anyone be nicer than him?

Can I be less dazzled by him?

There must be a reason why Everytime I oversleep and sleep pass my stop that I meet him. So good-looking!!!!! He's got gorgeous gorgeous big eyes that would blind the stars and seduce the hearts of every girl he meets. His body is so toned from canoe that it's muscular even in his shirt!! His skin is an in-between from copper-tone to fairness. You just want to lay on his broad chest because it looks so firm and secure.

I want to be his.:(

I feel so so so stupid and inferior everytime I see him.
He's so so so nice.
He's so so so brilliant in sports and studies.
I can't remember when we suddenly talked one day because we stopped talking for a couple of years when he went to the neighbouring class.
In anycase you are wondering, he's my primary 1 and 2 classmate.

So good-looking then, so good-looking now.
So nice then, so nice now.

My heart beats like a deer running east and west and north and east.
It went haywired just now!

I pretended not to see him when he boarded the bus.
Crossing my fingers, hoping that maybe by a stroke of luck that he will notice me at the corner of the bus.
Stupid me! Should have raised my head instead of bending it down because I fear that he would see me in most undesirable state.

In brown uniform.Messy hair. Fatigue overwhelming me.

In the end, I couldn't bear it and decided that I had to get a Hi from him or else I will regret.
So, I went to the door like 5 mins before my stop, arranged my hair, my clothes, tilted my head in quite a demure fashion, HOPING that he would see me and say a hello.

I'M SO GLAD I DID WHAT I DID.
The 45 degrees tilted head got what she desires and deserves.
A 10 seconds look at him.
He waved a big hello to me!!! His eyes half-sleepy. Hoho. I wish I would see him soon.

Sigh.
The only time when I will ever ever be him would be in my dreams.

AH!!!!!

2006-08-21T16:25:00.000+08:00

Can anyone be more handsome than him?
Can anyone be more charming than him?
Can anyone be nicer than him?

Can I be less dazzled by him?

There must be a reason why Everytime I oversleep and sleep pass my stop that I meet him. So good-looking!!!!! He's got gorgeous gorgeous big eyes that would blind the stars and seduce the hearts of every girl he meets. His body is so toned from canoe that it's muscular even in his shirt!! His skin is an in-between from copper-tone to fairness. You just want to lay on his broad chest because it looks so firm and secure.

I want to be his.:(

I feel so so so stupid and inferior everytime I see him.
He's so so so nice.
He's so so so brilliant in sports and studies.
I can't remember when we suddenly talked one day because we stopped talking for a couple of years when he went to the neighbouring class.
In anycase you are wondering, he's my primary 1 and 2 classmate.

So good-looking then, so good-looking now.
So nice then, so nice now.

My heart beats like a deer running east and west and north and east.
It went haywired just now!

I pretended not to see him when he boarded the bus.
Crossing my fingers, hoping that maybe by a stroke of luck that he will notice me at the corner of the bus.
Stupid me! Should have raised my head instead of bending it down because I fear that he would see me in most undesirable state.

In brown uniform.Messy hair. Fatigue overwhelming me.

Sigh.
The only time when I will ever ever be him would be in my dreams.

AH!!!!!